You don’t have to do much preparing to have this kind of fun.
A few days ago we organized a beach outing with with my brother and his family. We planned to meet at our house, about a mile from the beach, and then walk down en masse with the 8 combined kids (ages 3 months, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 11, and 13.)
I’d been packing pretty lightly until my brother John walked in, rigged out in a backpack on which he had hung a beach tent, sand toys and beach chairs, and assorted other gear. Then my husband Jon must have decided he had to make a better showing, and ran to our camping gear stash to grab his enormous backpack, a couple of folding chairs, buckets, pails, water balls, and I’m not even sure what else.
Waiting for him to assemble his Beach Preparation Kit (TM) took another half-hour, while my sister-in-law Jenna and I looked on in amusement (and perhaps just a touch of irritation.) By the time we finally started walking, we were quite a sight: four adults, two of whom appeared to be heading out on a journey to the North Pole by way of the lake, plus eight kids tottering along between groups of adults (who had to spread out because the menfolks’ bulky back apparatus would not allow for anyone to walk too close.)
Eventually we reached the beach without losing any children or either of the men toppling over. Unpacking our Beach Preparation Kits took some time, but once we finally had it all spread out and set up, we enjoyed a lovely afternoon at Lake Michigan. The weather was perfect, the kids were in good spirits, and everyone had fun digging and swimming and just laying in the sand. It was a beautiful, breezy, just-warm-enough day and we eagerly soaked it up.
When it was finally time to go, packing everything up took a good twenty to thirty minutes. Then there was the long slog with all of our stuff back up the incline of the beach. We stopped at the splash pad near the beach to rinse away as much of the clinging sand from the kids as possible, ate takeout pizza on a grassy hill overlooking the water, and finally, around 7 PM, started our journey home. By 7:30 we were back to our house…and the grown-ups were exhausted.
It was a beautiful, memorable day. But how often do days like that happen? Sometimes we just don’t have six or seven hours available to devote to a beach trip, plus all the requisite energy and good humor, not to mention a few extra sets of adult eyes and hands to help share the load. Some days it’s 95 degrees and humid instead of 80 and dry. Some days everybody’s cranky and you just want to get out of the house for an hour or two, not necessarily sign on for an all-day affair.
And yet, along with enormous diaper bags featuring eighteen different compartments and deluxe strollers sporting baskets that could hold a week’s worth of groceries has come the modern mom’s obsession with preparedness. We aren’t sure we can even leave the house, much less embark on a trip to the park or beach or zoo, without several quarts of water, child-sized containers of cut-up fruit and raisins, enough diapers and wipes to handle eight or nine surprise blowouts, at least two changes of clothes per child, reading material, sippy cups, a few toys, a huge bottle of sunscreen, insect repellant, hair ties, spare cash, a sling or two, crayons and paper…
See, I laughed at my husband and my brother the other day, but I also recognized a little of myself in their out-doing one another in preparedness. Over the years I’ve learned to leave the house with just the basic necessities – a diaper, some wipes, and a cell phone does it for me most days – but it took a long time to get over the idea that to take kids anywhere I’d have to carry a forty-pound bag stuffed with provisions.
I think that’s why something as essentially simple as a trip to the beach or park can seem so complicated and overwhelming. We get lost in the details of how to make it happen, try to cover every possible base, and try to make the outing “worth the effort” by packing for an expedition-length trip. What we forget is that sometimes it’s the short, simple, and spontaneous events that are the sweetest.
But sometimes “planning” a relatively unplanned outing can seem overwhelming in itself. How do you pack light while taking a kid or three to the zoo or the county fair without forgetting something really important? Can you really do a quickie excursion to the beach or nature trails without regretting it? I think you can, and that learning to handle those simple, spontaneous outings is a vital way you can learn to enjoy time with your kids without too much stress. Tomorrow I’ll be back with some tips for planning “un-planned” outings: the kind that feel easy, breezy, and no-big-deal-y, no coolers or painkillers required.
Like this post? Check out the follow-up: 6 ways to keep outings simple, low-stress and fun.
Oh yes – I have been on both ends of the spectrum — with TOO much and then one time, from a spontaneous trip, ending up on the beach in the cool night with no towel or change of clothes for my soaking wet daughter. LOL But, wrapped the blanket around her and all was well. I will take those days over the over done! 🙂
I totally do this, but I’m getting better. My main problem in getting out the door is the “just one more thing” affliction that has me running around and putting on loads of laundry or doing some house-related task that really could wait until we get back. Then I end up running out of time, or being so late that I decide we wouldn’t have enough time to enjoy ourselves there and end up staying home. Keeping it simple is so much better.
Um, yes, this describes me to a T too!
To be honest, I am one of those not-prepared-enough moms and it sometimes stresses me out. My littlest one is 3 and soon (oh please let it be very soon) is out of diapers, so when we plan outings, I find myself just winging it and walk out of the house with my lipstick (I am an addict), my cell phone, money, kids with clothes on and that is it! Oh and my husband..!! So many times we have been at friends and literally had to go home with a little guy in a poopy diaper…Drives my husband crazy. I am determined to get more organized and think longer than to the end of my nose! Thanks for the reminder (even if it wasn’t maybe your intention!! LOL!)
The first time we took our baby to the beach she was only three months old. We planned to go to a beach 40mins from our home. We have a 4wd, and it was fully packed, up to the roof, with every single thing we might possibly need during the day. We even took an inflatable swimming pool for the baby, because she was so little to take her into the ocean with all the waves, and also what if it was too cold, with the pool we just needed to fill it up and let it rest under the sun to warmed the water up, but them we had to take a bucket (yes, a BUCKET!) because how could we fill the swimming pool?
Needless to say, the water never got warmed enough (at least not for us) and the ocean, well you know with the waves seemed to be dangerous, and it was windy (what beach isn’t?).
I felt so rookie, so first time parent that day I was embarrassed by the end of the day. Every first time thing with my baby has been like that! But I’m happy to say that after 2-1/2 years we are getting better 😉
Mariale, this has me cracking up! An inflatable swimming pool! At the BEACH!! Oh, thanks for the laugh. (And you know I’m laughing WITH you, not AT you…right?)
One way we’ve simplified “spontaneous” outings is by keeping a lot of that stuff in the car, in my purse or in a “go bag” at the front door. Then, preparation really is as simple as grabbing the bags and going. It’s always a little harder when we want to take a meal with us since that takes some work, but I’d like to make and freeze some PB&J sandwiches so that we can grab those on the way out the door as well!
It’s funny. The more kids I have, the less junk I haul around with me. It’s almost like we think the amount of supplies we carry is equal to our score on the “World’s Best Mother” scale or something. I threw that line of thinking out the window, oh, probably when baby number two rolled around.
My husband and I were quietly giggling to each other the other day at a festival. We kept seeing all these parents, both mom and dad suited up with diaper bags, stuffed strollers and tons of other equipment… all for, more often than not, one tiny baby.
And there we were, with our four little ones. And I think I might have had a diaper in my purse, and if I was lucky, I might have even had a wipe.
My essentials for an outing now are an umbrella stroller, diaper+wipes (which I usually leave in the car), and maybe a sippy cup for my 19 month old. That’s it. I might add a couple more diapers, a blanket and a rattle when the newborn gets here in December.
This is so me! I carry way less for 3 kids than I did for one. My big issue is when I’m doing an all day walking or public transit outing. I pack a lot and don’t use much of it, but I would hate to be caught short. But even then, I’m trying to back off a bit – I mean i’m not going to end up anywhere in the city of Chicago that’s very far from a Walgreens if i’m desperate, you know? And not carrying as much stuff would be well worth the chance of a drugstore stop.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I’m so happy to read this post. I never really used a stroller or big diaper bag so I never got in the habit of bringing ‘things’. I can’t tell you how often I’ve felt like a bad mom for that reason. I never pack food yet every time we go somewhere with another mom out comes the cut up fruit and my daughter becomes ravenous. Even if she’s just eaten. We *look* so unprepared even if a snack 1h after lunch was never necessary. Gets me every time.
I can’t tell you how many lunches of saltine crackers my kids have eaten, next to peers with their yogurt and cut up fruit and broccoli spears with ranch. Snacks and lunches on the go are not my strong suit either.
Unfortunately, food allergies has taken the spontaneity out of all of our excursions. I am usually the Mom who has the bag of food and containers of fruit, not out of over-preparedness, but out of necessity. I miss those days of not having to lug so much, but I always bring enough to share! So if your child is hungry, send them over!
I try very hard to make sure that my three kids (3 and 1 year old twins) have the same experiences they would have if I just had a solo singleton — however, it typically takes quite a bit more thought and time to get us out the door. I’ll definitely admit to wondering if the time and effort involved in prep is really worth it. Looking forward to the rest of this series.
Been there, done that. The beach is only 40 min from our house, and yet we’ve only taken out daughter a couple of times because we think it needs to be a whole EVENT. Need to learn it just be a couple of hours of fun.
I’m learning though. I’ve got my bag down to a purse that has room for diapers/wipes so I can carry one bag everyday. And, I’ve learned I can just take the kid out to the park without planning ahead. If we end up in need of something I don’t have there are store nearby or we can just go home. It’s not very far.
I wish I could say I’ve learned to pack light but it would be more accurate to say I’ve “learned my lesson”. I’ve tried taking the bare minimum but when I have, THAT was the time one extra diaper wasn’t enough or that my son’s upset tummy resulted in a diaper overflow and I had no extra pants. Unfortunately, as the person responsible for packing all things necessary, I get the dirty looks when we don’t have water bottles in the car or sunblock and insect repellent at the picnic. Of course, the times I’ve been prepared have gone unnoticed. 😉
Yup. We get horrified looks when we tell people we took 3 different babies to Europe and didn’t use a stroller for any trip. Heck, for 2 of the 3 trips we weren’t even renting a car, we took trains! We packed light, wore the baby, stayed at a couple B&Bs that worked as home bases and did day trips instead of taking all our clothes and our computers and stuff every day, and it was awesome! It really gives me perspective when I’m trying to pack for a 3 day weekend at the cottage and start running out of room in our Outback.
I am guilty of this…so glad I read this post! My little guy is almost a year old now and is content to just roam and explore without toys, snacks and tons of unneeded gear. Thanks for the post…a great reminder to keep it simple! 🙂
I drive my husband nuts with this mentality, on everyday museum/ zoo type excursions, mainly because he is of the opposite mind, that less is more. He is also not American. We went to visit his family 2 years ago, for three months with three small boys…one of which has sensory integration disorder. I packed like a mad women. I think I could probably win an award for over preparedness…and that’s not a thing to brag about. We could take 10 checked pieces of luggage, and we did, plus the requisite two carryons each (we had one 9 hour flight and one 10 hour with a six hour layover) AND then two car seats and a phil & ted stroller. It was winter here, but summer there, so we had to pack both kinds of seasonally appropriate clothing. We still had two in some stage of diapers, and diapers are expensive there, so we took as much as we could of those, wipes, and the special bath soaps, lotions, etc. we couldn’t get there for our eczema/ allergy ones. You can only imagine my husband and I struggling to go through customs with three, yes, three luggage carts and no stroller because they “accidently” put it on the wrong plane and it would be there the next day. The icing on the cake was when our oldest, who had spiked a fever on the plane a few hours before we get there (of course) threw up right over the railing at customs as we were getting our passports stamped. We were a circus and a half! We haven’t really traveled big since then, and we laugh about it (sort of) now that we are past that stage. I hope that gives you a good laugh at that mental picture!
So funny to read this post! I just blogged this morning about my over-preparedness and why it might not be good for my children after all. By planning for their every possible need, we may be accidentally teaching our children that they should face no discomforts in life (e.g., they should never be hungry, wet or tired). Sometimes it’s okay for a child to have to wait for a snack or a drink of water . . . maybe.
I struggle with this a little because I live in a much different climate (Midwest) now than I did growing up (Southern California) and I am not good yet at gauging what equipment is necessary for what weather, plus my kid is much more fair-skinned than I am and I’m constantly in fear that I’m going to let him sunburn (I don’t burn). I’ve definitely underpacked because I didn’t bring his hat or his big coat or a spare blanket or things like that and ended up having to cut our adventure short because I was unprepared for the weather.
The best solution we’ve found so far is to overpack the diaper bag, but then leave it in the car and just bring a few necessities like my cell phone, debit card, keys, and maybe a diaper and a handful of wipes in a small purse or my pockets. That way we can easily come back to the car if we do have like 3 diaper blowouts in the mall or something (not gonna happen) but I’m not loaded down like a pack mule.
I lean more toward LH’s method. My car has everything I might need, but I don’t get it all out every time we go some place. If it’s important enough, then we can go back to the car. For big trips, I try to plan everything we might need, and then prune my list. Do I need 12 diapers or just 8? Do I need two changes of clothes or just one? One extra thing I do pack now on plane trips is a shirt for myself. (Being thrown up on at the beginning of an 8 hour flight made a lasting impression for me.)
Sometimes the underplanned things work totally GREAT and the overplanned things backfire TREMENDOUSLY because I’ve set the expectations too high.
I try to, more than anything these days, set my expectations appropriately so that planned or unplanned, I’M not disappointed when/if things don’t go swimmingly.
I am the “I just need one more thing” packer and my husband grabs a spare diaper (maybe) and is out the door. He also delivered my daughter to the church nursery with a frozen bag of breastmilk and no bottle, so that always makes me laugh. That was the weekend that all the women were gone for the church women’s retreat and the nursery workers enjoyed the “dad outfits” that the kids came in. My daughter wore a fleece jacket under some overalls.
He might not dress her the cutest, but he is always up for spontaneous fun with her and that counts for a lot more. I could learn a thing or two…
Interesting…..I don’t relate to this one so much. First, I’d rather have too much than not enough. It always seems that I don’t use it if I bring it, but if I don’t bring it, THEN I need it! If I don’t bring a sweater to the grocery store, that is the day they have the air conditioning at full blast, you know? But I think the reason I don’t feel the same has more to do with finances. I’m pretty low on the income scale. Way lower than your typical readers. We don’t even have a family vehicle. If we end up being out for longer than planned I can’t just stop somewhere and buy food, I can’t just go buy more diapers/wipes at the local drugstore, I have to be really careful with our money. I also have five kids, and when we go out people do stare. Sometimes I think we are judged more harshly because of having more kids, as though anything they do is a result of our family size. So if you are on an all day trip and one child spills something all over their shirt, instead of it being just normal kid stuff-it happens!-people look at you as though oh, look at those poor kids walking around in stained clothing! They just can’t handle all those kids! Because I’m aware of things like that, I’d rather have the spare shirts and diapers, etc. But I also don’t think it’s ever blocked me from being able to go do something. I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but I get a sort of frantic sense from the comments that I don’t feel myself. I’m perfectly willing to let the kids wait until we get there to have a drink from the water fountain. (But I think it’s really convenient to have water bottles). Maybe the difference is just that having all the extras to pack is a luxury for us and not something we can do anytime we want? I might have to admit that my packing more has made us leave later or carry more weight though. My Dad always quoted the Scouts’ motto, Be Prepared. So I try. : )
Sajmom, it sounds like your case being ultra-prepared helps you get out the door, instead of acting as a deterrent. I think that the frantic-ness you’re feeling from the comments DOES come from this new mentality that a really “good” mom has to have a huge diaper bag full of stuff (mostly stuff she had to BUY) in order to even venture out the door. It gets in the way of just spontaneously going to the beach or park or even for a walk because there’s so much prep involved.
That said, I know what you mean about being judged for having a larger family, though I’ve definitely let my kids walk around in a stained shirt before. Or sometimes they turn it inside-out 🙂
Another thing to consider – as a mom of five you’ve probably got the packing thing down to a science by now. You know exactly what to bring, and what would be extraneous. But a newer mom is still figuring it all out, and I think keeping it simple makes getting out the door that much easier to begin with.
I pack very lightly. I do keep a couple towels, a blanket for each kid, and some extra dipes and wipes in the car. But other than that? Not much. For most trips I just throw a couple of dipes, travel wipes, and a couple of granola bars in a light backpack. Doing this has really enable me and my 3 and 2 year old to be much more spontaneous to just go. The other way made me nutty. I don’t like fuss. But to be fair, I drink my coffee black because when I started all of those sugar and creamer packets were too much fuss.
Overpacked when unnecessary, caught unprepared when necessary. Phew! I don’t usually drive my daughter around. I take a bus or the subway and keeping things in the car is not an option. And strollers aren’t very convenient where I live. How does one keep it light when one change of clothes for about half the year equals four layers? And leaving her wet means that she’ll freeze faster than I can say, “Freeze”? For trips to the neighbourhood grocer etc. however, I only carry my wallet plus reusable shopping bags along with baby in the carrier.
Using public transit definitely adds a layer of complication and needing to be prepared, S! In fact, I’d say it pretty much eliminates the idea of the ‘short’ trip because so much is out of your hands. I think in those cases you do what you can to have a bag pre-packed so that you can get out the door easily and without too much fuss when the mood strikes. We have an Ergo as well as a frame backpack carrier, and each have nice-sized pockets for storage. I try to keep a change of clothes, sweater, diaper and wipes in the pocket of each during high-use season so I’m never caught totally unprepared (but also don’t have to spend precious pre-getting-out-the-door moments tracking everything down and packing it, only to unpack again later.) Like you point out, MOST of the time you don’t need them, but that one time you do, you’ll be glad you had them!
Food is another place where I think you can be prepared without spending a ton of prep time. For instance, a granola bar and an apple is effortless, while slicing fruit and finding containers with lids, etc, can seem like a big hassle especially when you’ve got eager kids hanging on your legs. I’ve even packed a pocket knife before so I could cut fruit at the park, where it seemed much more manageable.
I love spontanious outings. The only things we need to make sure its not a disaster is a diaper, wipes, water and a snack. We are good for about 3 hours with just those things.
I’m afraid my stroller always looks wayyyy overstuffed when we go out on an adventure though, because I don’t drive and we walk/transit everywhere. Most trips out are about 5-6 hours, so I have to pack lunches, change of clothes, hats, sunscreen, toys to entertain on the bus etc. I’ve learned what things I can live without and what really sucks if you don’t have it. Like a change a clothes for your soaking wet child, and you still have to walk for 20 min and trainsit for an hour. And it REALLY sucks if we don’t have water and snack, we all seem to loose it when our blood sugar lowers.
It’s much different if we are using the van (with the hubby) Its super easy to pack light and if you are caught with no food or are all wet, it’s so much more easy to drive to get what you need and stay warm.
This is so funny, because I just caught myself doing this yesterday! My husband works as a pastor a town over from where we live. So on Wednesdays, I just ride in with him and spend the day at my parents’ house to save on gas. I always (always always ALWAYS) take a reusable shopping bag with things I “need” for the day – books to read, things I’m returning to my parents, snacks, a craft project (if I’m working on one).
But yesterday, as I was filling it up, it just seemed like overkill. So I threw the baby’s jammies in the diaper bag, tossed a couple other things in my purse, and tucked my books under my arm.
Voila! One less bag!
With five kids, there’s no denying that there is more prep work before going anywhere. I admitt it does make me think twice before going somewhere. But I think it’s just a matter of attitude. Which I think is one of the main points of this blog. I can either never go anywhere because the thought of making sure you’ve packed everything and getting everyone ready is exhausting in itself. Or I can just look at it as a necesary thing to be gotten out of the way before we go have fun (and it adds to the fun to know we have all we need, that I haven’t forgotten something essential) and just do it! I think I get out more with five kids than I did with just one because it took me a while to adjust to the idea that I could never again just grab my coat and go.
Oh, and even as an experienced packer, I still manage to forget stuff. I LOVE to make lists, yet somehow in the chaos I often manage to forget something, or a little hand takes stuff out that I’d already packed. But I can be scatterbrained, so that might just be me.
In your reply to me you said that there is a mentality that says a really “good” mom has to buy lots of stuff. I really struggle with the definition of what a good mom is. In part because of that idea. Not so much that I feel they need all that stuff (and I mean not just toys and clothes, but all the extra classes & clubs, college funds, the extra trips and all the “stuff” that accompanies these things) but because other people define that as part of being a good Mom. Maybe one day you can post on that topic, a nice thoughtful one on what does define a good Mom. I hope I’m not the only one struggling with it.
You can possibly have it when the place highly requires security and is a child friendly. And probably the place must have some kids stuff like a mini park or zoo. This is what most kids want and like. So, if a place does all of this then you can be rest assured that you won’t stressed your day out.
I wish I had more of a care-free spirit to do this. I’m that crazy mom that over packs every.single.time.I.leave. It gets frustrating. I’m always running late, stressed, frantic, and by the time I get to where I’m going, I’m exhausted.
I think as the child gets older – it gets easier. But then again, that could just be another frantic mom excuse.
Love the post.
I always have a packed diaper bag- it gets checked every evening so it is ready to go the next day. It has a water bottled (that gets cleaned regularly), wipes, diapers, a snack or 2 of non perishables (persishables can be added morning of if I know I will want it- a long appointment 1+ hour or eating out- daughter has an allergy), a book, crayons, and coloring pages, chapstick, neosporin and bandages (so surprised how often Ive used them and not just my kids), ziploc bags (for trash or collecting items), and quarters (just in case I need it for parking meter). As we enter potty training- diapers will be replaced with change of clothes.
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