Some of you are probably packing right now for Blissdom while others are looking forward to work trips, family weddings or romantic getaways. As promised, I’m continuing my series on leaving the kids without guilt or anxiety with a few tips for making the separation easier on the whole family:
"All The Ways I Love You" recordable storybook by Hallmark
1. Leave a little piece of yourself behind.
A special photo album, a favorite sweater that smells like you, a recording of you telling a story, or even a last-minute snapshot taken on Dad’s cell phone…many children are comforted by a reminder of Mom when she’s gone. I was thrilled to find this sweet recordable storybook from Hallmark in the Prep for Blissdom package that was sent to my house earlier this week, and plan to record my voice with a special “I love you” message tonight.
2. Set Dad (or Grandma or the sitter) up for success
It’s taken you a long time to develop and hone your super mom powers. And fair or not, if Dad’s not used to doing the grocery shopping, getting the kids ready for school, or taking care of the nighttime shuffle, it’s not going to be easy for him to jump in and do a perfect job. Sending texts every five minutes to check up on him or creating alerts on his phone to remind him to feed the kids might be over-doing it, but if he’s not used to managing the home fires, a little proactive information will definitely be helpful: leave him a written schedule with any necessary data you’ve got locked away in your brain, make sure he has all the phone numbers he’ll need, show him how to access the school calendar and tell him where to find important documents like birth certificates and insurance cards. Just don’t micromanage: give him the freedom to do things his way, too.
3. Talk about your kids
I don’t mean exclusively, or at every opportunity, or until you notice everyone you talk to eventually starts squirming and glancing around the room. But talking about your children while you’re away from them can help you bridge the distance a bit and feel closer to them while you’re gone. You might also really help out another mom who’s been dying to bring up how much she misses her little ones but thought nobody else would want to hear about it. I’ve shared many a misty-eyed conversation about my boys and toddler girl with another kindred spirit missing her baby or brood.
4. Allow yourself to be distracted.
Going away can feel ridiculously free, independent, and exciting for a mom, especially if you spent the majority of your time with your children. Let yourself to get carried away by the freedom and excitement and distractions that come with going away, and don’t feel guilty if you don’t think about your children as much as you thought you would. I’ve learned to give into the distraction that naturally happens when I’m surrounded by novel, exciting experiences, and allow myself the pleasure of enjoying free time both body and mind.
5. Use phone calls judiciously.
I rarely talk to my children on the phone while I’m away. Sound heartless? Well, every time I’ve tried, the older kids didn’t care (you could practically hear them yawning through the phone) and it just upset my little ones, who had been having a grand old time with Dad or Grandma before Mom had to call and remind them of what they were missing. Some kids are comforted by calls from Mom, but choosing the time of the call is essential. You know your kids best, so you may be able to gauge whether a bedtime phone call will help soothe them or remind them you’re not there and lead to a huge meltdown. Sometimes it’s not so easy to tell ahead of time, so ask the person who’ll be caring for your children to look for cues that a call from Mom would be welcome-or make things worse. He or she can send you a text to let you know this is a good time. And don’t feel guilty if it just works better for your children not to hear your voice while you’re gone-you can relay kisses, hugs and “I love yous” through Dad, who can use his best judgment about if and when to dole them out.
Are you a seasoned travel vet with your own tips to share? Or a mom getting away for the first time who was surprised by some of the advice in this post? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
#5 is a good point. We discovered that one when my son started going to stay at his Granny’s (my mum’s) for a few days over school breaks. If I called him every night then he was thinking about how much he missed me, and Dad, and his bed. So we left it up to him. Now when he is down there he calls us if something exciting happened, or if he wants to touch base. Because it is on his terms, it’s much easier for him to hang up and continue to have fun with his Granny, which is the whole point.
#5 is a biggie. i tend to find that sending quick e-mails about something that would interest the kids are good too.
Found you on Twitter. What a terrific post. Following this blog now! All of these suggestions are solid and well thought out. It’s hard to leave the kids sometimes but using these suggestions can make things go much easier.
Clay
Twitter: @claylauren2001
Re tip #5, I’ve learned to follow this advice when at the office, as well (I’m a hybrid WOH/WAHM). I just asked my 4 1/2 year old the other day what she preferred-for me to call or to text/email-and she said text/email. Grandma told me that she sometimes gets sad after talking to me on phone.
what you have shared here is very informative, will surely keep all your advice in mind and definitely apply it. Thank you for sharing!
I’ve stumbled across this great series about leaving the little ones. I’m going on a weekend girls trip for the first time in … many year so this is truly helping me. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this!