From as far back as I can remember my Mom was extremely frugal, rarely buying anything new. That may be why the same orange-and-brown plaid sofa and walnut end tables show up in so many of our family photos, and that those same green towels she got as a wedding gift were still in her closet when she died three decades later.
And while Mom spent my older siblings’ childhoods embroidering and crocheting, by the time I was old enough to remember, she was a single mother running a daycare out of our house-far too busy to sew new curtains or scout for new-to-her throw rugs at thrift stores and yard sales. To be honest, I don’t remember my mom doing much home-y stuff, at least not in the knitting/sewing/buying new furniture sense.
But though Mom didn’t spend a lot of time “decorating”, our house always felt, to me, so much more warm and cozy than any other place on earth.
My mom died almost 11 years ago, and while she had a lot of troubles while I was growing up, it was always evident that she loved keeping a home and took it seriously. So I guess it’s no surprise I’ve got a bit of a homemaking bug. I love reading home magazines and blogs, and take pleasure in creating a warm, welcoming nest for my family. With five kids we have a lot of financial responsibilities, so I don’t have a huge home-decorating budget. I will probably never have glossy granite countertops (which is just fine by me), and I’m not as naturally skilled at home decorating (or photographing said beautiful homes, either) as some of the design-y moms I follow online, but that’s OK. I like to think I’m creating my own style: one that reflects my taste and my family’s lifestyle, values and budget. And that’s definitely something I learned from my mom.
My mother, older sister, and me in our home around 1980.
Why do I think my mom was a great homemaker? Here’s what she did right-even with limited time and resources:
- Mom stayed away from fuss, fads, and clutter. The few knick-knacks on the mantel were things she loved and felt a connection to. Everything in the room served a purpose. There was rarely a need to buy things new, because everything-from pencils and paper to holiday decorations-were used within an inch of their lives.
- Mom knew her strengths and, when her time and energy were limited, continued to do what she enjoyed the most and was best at. She baked a lot, especially during the holidays, focusing on her signature quick breads and the cookies she knew she could pull off well (I don’t ever remember seeing her struggle over a homemade pie crust.) She didn’t craft, except for each November when she’d pull out a stash of felt, googly eyes, and glitter, and follow an ornament pattern out of one of her Better Homes and Gardens magazines. The small things she did mattered and stayed with me as I got older (I still treasure the memory of helping glue eyes or stitch details on those Christmas ornaments.)
- Mom valued quality and functionality over quantity or keeping up with trends. Our sofa was dated, but well-made enough to hold up to a couple of decades and four active children (plus countless daycare kids). A homemade afghan covered up most of the not-too-psychadelic 70s print. Our dining-room table was a glossy cherry, handed down from my grandma-not one of those glass ‘n brass models so popular in the 80s. It sits in my sister’s dining room today looking as good as it did back then. When I spot 80’s glass ‘n brass tables at thrift stores or yard sales today, I can’t imagine them fitting in so well two decades later.
I have more money, more free time and a whole lot more shopping options than my mother had during most of my childhood, but I’m still trying to keep in mind the things I learned from her. I still try to think carefully before I buy something (just because it’s cheap or even free doesn’t mean it’s a good fit). I try to look for quality over trendiness, and to remember to value functionality and family over aiming for some magazine-cover ideal. My taste and talents may be different from what my mom’s were, but I know that her memory lives on a little through me every time I purchase a new throw pillow-or pass it up because the ones I have at home are still perfectly good.
What did your mom teach you about turning a house into a home? What memories or lessons do you hope you’ll pass on to your kids?
My mother taught me to always vacuum and THEN dust, always wipe down the sink, close the shower curtain, and ALWAYS leave the toilet seat down (applies to men. I dont have a penis :O) I am a complete clean freak like my mother with one exception – I will not make people feel uncomfortable in my house. As long as the toilet seat is down I can take care of everything myself. I dont like to impose my standards of cleanliness on visitors. Its just my personal preference.
Love your blog by the way.
One Christmas there was just no money for presents. My father was a poorly paid police officer with several children.
I had a worn out hand-me down doll with no clothes. I loved her anyway. When her legs finally detached,( they were held to the body by rubber bands on hooks inside the torso), my mother asked if she could have it to try to put her legs back on.
On Christmas morning, I opened my box and there was my doll. She had a renewed face with lips and rosy cheeks that had been worn away, and she came with a brand new wardrobe. I had asked Santa for a catalogue doll with wardrobe but my old doll, raised from the dead, was the best present I could ever have wished for.
I asked how it happened and my mother said that the firemen had been fixing old toys for poor kids and they knew how to fix my doll. My mother sewed the clothes in private. My mom’s empathy for me was as great as her generosity. It was my best Christmas memory ever.
Kathy, that is a really, really lovely story! It brought tears to my eyes!
Veronica, I remember my mom teaching me to wipe off the table first and then sweep. It seemed like such a novel idea at the time! And like you, I’ll never make people feel uncomfortable in my home…I don’t expect other people to do things the way I do, or have the same standards as me, either. I just hope they look the other way when they see the cobwebs I always forget to get off the ceiling!
My mom was great at making the house light & airy by positioning things so the sun could shine in, & by using great warm color combinations. She also always made it feel like our house too and not just hers & dads. For example, we always had two Christmas tree-one full of expensive fancy ornaments, the other covered in ornaments my brothers and I made so there was always room to showcase all of them. I felt so proud that she wanted all my ornaments up and not just a few!
I’m loving this series of blogposts Meagan!
Its funny, I’m still bizarrely attached to my childhood home and I moved from there at age 10. My childhood kind of ended horrifically at age 7 and I spent a lot of time afterwards feeling adrift. My earliest memories are of our vegetable garden, chickens, cows, and canning.
I spent a great deal of my childhood at the side of neighbourhood women, grannies, and I identify each by the smell of their individual kitchens!
Besides all sorts of farm cooking tips I left that experience feeling like the kitchen was truly the heart of the home and I seem to pour most of my decorating intention into it as well.
I was trying to describe my decorating style in more glamorous terms than “garbage picking” the other day and called it “granny’s farmhouse chic”
Which is interesting because the house we bought – all good feelings and 10 years of projects – was one of the village matriarchs’ home. Her grandkids are always stopping by to see the house and tell me about what it was like when she was alive, her pride in her home, and her simple welcoming style. I’m working to restore that as much as I am the woodwork.
This post, and the picture, got me all choked up Meagan. I am in awe of what an amazing mother you are, and I can only imagine that it must have been hard to lose your mom when you were so young. This is such a wonderful tribute to her. I loved reading it. I think I would have really liked hanging out with your mom.
My mom is not crafty at all but we always made our own Halloween costumes, she always recycled (and still does), she rides her bike to work (even now, at age 70 plus), and she inspires me with energy and enthusiasm about learning and the natural world. Both of my parents have a lot of books. I used to read them growing up and I feel so grateful for that. James and I have more books than anything else. But we also go to the library a lot. I’m actually trying to cull our book collection a bit, even though having amazing books on the shelves in our home is definitely one of the things I appreciate about my childhood.
Meagan- This is a wonderful post. Your ability to cull the good things from your childhood and grow beyond the less-than-wonderful parts is inspiring. I know many grown-ups who have been unable to get to such a place. Well done you!
HI MEAGAN!!! I just read your piece on happiest mom and thought I’d let you know what your GRANDMA taught me growing up. When we were kids we did’nt have much money. Mom was always home. Our home was always clean even though we did’nt have much. I remember having milk crates for end tables. I think she taught me that you don’t have to have the best of everything to be happy. My home today is filled with memories that I made growing up and growing older. My furniture is used and my pictures on the wall are all very special to me. Someone may come over and think of it as junk but to me their special.
It’s funny, I look back at old photos from my childhood now and I’d forgotten how old the couch looked or how none of the pillows matched. Because as a kid, I didn’t care.
My mom was good at playing with her kids, and doing activities with us. I remember hand-stringing popcorn garlands at Christmas and playing hide-and-go-seek and find the button. For me, as a child, it was the fun we had in our house that made it a home, much more than what it looked like.
You know, I see what my mum taught me in terms of raising my child, but she and I have often talked about the fact that she taught me very little about making a home. We weren’t a very homey family (certainly aren’t now with my parents divorced and my brother estranged and both parents being immigrants) and it just wasn’t something I would have described my childhood house as being. It was still home of course, but more in the way of housing my childhood memories.
She did, however, give me the gift of family dinners. Even with all our disfunction, our family always ate together at the kitchen table with no tv on. My little family does the same, and I treasure that.
@kate-I think family dinners are a wonderful gift.
@Amber, isn’t it funny how you don’t remember how old or tattered or simply unstylish your childhood furniture was? I remember thinking our sofa was totally normal. Turns out it was at least 15 years out of date. Who knew!? All I remember was snuggling on it to watch The Cosby Show every Thursday…and the tons of books I read on it, and playing Chinese Checkers…
@Jennifer-although we didn’t have tons and tons of books on the bookshelf while I was growing up, we had a little library with my mom’s favorites and those are some of my prized possesions today. Also, my personal book collection was bursting at the seams. I learned early on that a good collection of books can get you through almost any difficult and awkward childhood phase
I only had a few short minutes to quickly read your post today and only got through the first link “while she had a lot of troubles while I was growing up”- it was so thoughtfully written. I wonder about some of those same issues for myself from time to time, the good mother vs. the bad mother idea. It is difficult when we don’t have a wonderful childhood to pull from when we become mothers ourselves. My children range in age from 19 to 4 and I can now see that I was at least on the right path most of time, a benefit you do not have when your first children are young. My oldest is turning into a delightful young adult and none the worse-for-the-wear for my failings as a mother early on. I have so many more thoughts that are filling my brain but, alas, I must complete my mommy duties and give my little guy a bath!
Michelle-One really comforting and reassuring thing I take away from my childhood is that you can make SO many mistakes and still be a positive, warm influence on your children. My mom was an alcoholic and troubled through most of my childhood; still, I have so many wonderful memories of her, and believe it is she who had the most influence on developing my personality, values, and moral compass. If she could do that with all of her problems, why can’t I do the same for my kids?
Aunt Pat, thank you for coming by to share those memories! I know so much of what we learned from Mom was passed down first from Gramma-so I am very happy to hear stories about her. You should get her to come on here and leave her own comment
@Maman-I had forgotten about that aspect of my mom’s housekeeping-the curtains! Yes, she always opened the curtains in the morning and closed them at night-during the day there was always bright sunshine streaming in and I loved how alive that made everything feel. It’s something I do today-the day doesn’t seem really started unless I can see the morning sun coming in the windows. Thank you for nudging my memory!
@Susan-I appreciate that. You know, I can directly credit my mom for so much of the good in my character and personality. It just wouldn’t be right not to celebrate that!
@mudmama-I think “farmhouse chic” describes your style perfectly. I LOVE your design asthetic and the things you are choosing-er, finding!-for your home!
My mom taught me that good curtains are worth the cost. We lived in Northern Ontario and my mom had two rows of curtains, one lacy pair next to the window and one heavy, dark pair on top. These curtains kept out the cold in the winter and let in lots of light in the summer. My mom also baked, tended a large garden and made preserves. She taught me about hard work and surviving through cold winters by making a home warm and full of good, hearty food.
My mom was a housewife and she cooked dinner for the family just about every night. Really nice, balanced meals. This is a tradition I am trying to bring to my little family.
However (perhaps because she stayed at home) she never really made us kids do much around the house. I don’t feel like I really started to learn many housekeeping things from her until I was an adult and actually needed housekeeping advice.
I think her philosophy about cleaning was mainly that “Tidy but slightly dirty on the surfaces” was better than “sterile with lots of clutter on top”. This is something I agree with today, as clutter drives me nuts.
I was surprised at the amount of big brands
and clothing designers which were making outfits for children and even toddlers…I just need to be sure mine doesn’t begin asking for super trendy clothes or I’ll end up out of
pocket