I’m excited to share this post as part of a new partnership with Disney Baby, where I’m going to have a chance to write a lot more posts geared toward expectant and new mothers. Check out the end of the post for more details!
Last year I was asked to create a video for an online parenting seminar on this topic: how can you be a happier new mom?
It’s hard to break a big topic like that down into a short video. After all, how happy a mom feels during the months after having a new baby can depend on many factors: her baby’s health and disposition, her personality, her health and recovery, even her hormone levels.
But I realized that when I tried to boil it down to the general things that have made the biggest difference during those early months after having each of my five kids, three oh-so-important factors came up again and again. I call them “The 3 S’s”:
Sleep.
I know you’ve already heard this, but I really can’t emphasize enough how vitally important sleep is, especially to a new mother. Lack of sleep literally changes your brain chemistry and can make it so much more difficult to deal with the normal ups and downs of new motherhood.
I know that “sleep when the baby sleeps” is tired advice, and it’s not always easy to pass the baby off and take a nap. But I also think that many of us give up too easily on our very real, very urgent need for adequate rest. We hear that the early years of parenting are a state of perpetual zombie-ness, internalize that message, and accept that moms just don’t sleep. At what cost to our health, happiness and experience of motherhood?
I’m not suggesting you’ll be going back to 10 uninterrupted hours of shut-eye any time soon, but I think sleep is important enough to fight for. Here are some suggestions from my personal experience:
Showers.
You guys know how I feel about showers, right? You need them. No, I’m not some kind of dictator insisting that moms should do their hair and dress to the nines every single day (I certainly don’t.) Sure, some days I decide that I can go about my business more easily if I just skip the shower and put on a pair of yoga pants.
But in general, I think showers are symbolic of self-care, and when we regularly go without, it’s often because we’re buying into the cultural message that motherhood is so all-consuming and chaotic that there’s no time to breathe, and that playing with our kids or doing the dishes is way more important than us taking a few minutes to get cleaned up.
I insist: even when you have a newborn (maybe especially when you have a newborn!) you do have time to take a shower. I even gave my detailed routine for a three-minute shower in that post!
Support.
One of my secrets to happier motherhood is: Find Your Tribe. Motherhood is so much more difficult without support, and so much better and more fun when you’ve got friends or family who can help you out, offer been-there-done-that feedback, or just share in the boredom of a long rainy afternoon.
Another “easier said than done” piece of advice, though. Here are some posts I’ve written on this topic:
I offered more thoughts and suggestions on each of the “3 S’s” in my video (below) if you’d like to give it a watch!
Please share this post or video with a pregnant woman or new mom you know! After all, the earlier she tackles these important happy-mom strategies, the more she’ll be able to enjoy her baby…and her journey through motherhood.
Congratulations on this new partnership!!! I can’t wait to watch … err, read … what you guys put together. Way to go!
And great post. All fantastic advice … even for not-so-new mamas.
All great advice (which I rarely followed as a new mum). All of those things make a mother (and family) happier.
Sleep is SO important. I think it even helps with keeping the baby blues at bay, because when you are getting enough sleep you are able to cope with stresses that much better. I know that I feel like I’ve been lacking sleep for the last 6 years (since being heavily pregnant with my eldest child), and on my most sleep deprived days I don’t even want to be around me. I am usually happy and easy going, but a few sleepless nights in a row make me a pretty cranky and miserable person to be around, and that’s no fun for the whole family.
Showers are great when you have a new baby, especially if your baby is fussy, because, if you take them into the bathroom in their pram or bouncer, they usually calm down and fall asleep. I would make that an excuse to have super long showers when my youngest (and fussiest) child needed to have a nap but wouldn’t. However there have been plenty of days where the shower has been skipped. And somehow showers start to lose their appeal when it feels like you will never have time to yourself again, even in your most private moments.
Support is also a nice thing to have. When I had my first child I was living far, far away from all of my friends and family, but the telephone was my best friend. I had lots of long talks to my sister and mother to express my parenting concerns and get their advice. Eventually I joined mothers groups and met people in a similar situation to me, and soon made friends that way. It’s great to have people to talk to, exchange stories with, and just to be able to shift your mind a little bit out of mummy-mode (even though you are still looking after your children while you talk, and 90% of the conversation seems to revolve around children). I have to say, though, that since I have had kids I have not made any friends who do not have kids, and I would love that.
Really great post and video. By the way, in my head I’ve been mispronouncing your name as Meegan. I’ll have to correct my mental voice in future.
Sleep is a luxury when you are a new mom so get a good one when you have the chance.
I have to ask-How old were your kids when they stopped cosleeping? We’ve got a three year old still in our bed. I love having her in there, but I feel like it’s time for her to move on to her own bed. I’d just prefer to do it in the least traumatic way possible.
Hi Lisa,
All five of my kids have co-slept at some point or other, and when we’ve moved them out has depended a lot on other circumstances – like, if there is a new baby coming, or if the kid is a particularly restless sleeper, for example. 2-3 is the average age we’ve moved them out (with the occasional midnight return after a bad dream or because of sickness!) What’s worked for us is to start by moving the kid out of the bed while he/she is still sleeping, so he’ll wake up in his own bed in the morning. After he gets used to that, I’ll put him in his own bed at night but stay with him for a while to get him used to it. In our case it also helps that our kids have older siblings to “snuggle” with. My oldest child was the hardest to get out of our bed because he didn’t have an older brother to bunk up with, but it’s so funny…now when I look back I can’t even remember him ever sleeping with us. It all goes so fast
Sleep is such a big one. And I think giving yourself permission to nap with the baby in your bed or co-sleep is so important. Also, don’t worry about milestones if you can ignore it. Your baby doesn’t sleep through the night yet? That’s okay because NO ONE’S does. Also, hold that baby as much as you want (or don’t feel guilty if you DON’T feel like holding the baby.)
Steph
Love this, Meagan
Hi,
I just found your site and LOVE it. Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the time you have put into sharing info with us moms. I also respect your loyalty to your readers and think you have an adorable family.
Best Wishes!
Heather