I once thought that the end of predictable naps from my preschooler was going to mean the end of my sanity. I thought I’d never get anything done again. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do with a child who stayed awake all day.
I realize it’s silly now, but when you spend the first year trying to get your baby to nap predictably, and then the next two years planning around that magical window of time where you can do anything you want in a blissfully quiet house, the end seems catastrophic.
But lo and behold, I’m still getting things done two years after my oldest stopped napping. One reason I’m able to continue to work part-time from home and preserve that mid-day, sanity-saving time for myself is the practice of Quiet Hour: a daily, mandatory hour of independent play for non-napping kids who are not yet in school all day.
I know the concept is familiar to many of you and certainly not my own invention, but I thought I’d share some of the ways we’ve made it work in our house.
Out of sight, out of mind.
I’m not sure why, but if my kids can see me working nearby, they assume I’m theirs for the taking. For this reason I stay in another area of the house during Quiet Hour.
Depending on how child-proofed your home is, and how prone to mischief your little one, this may not be practical – or even safe. But using a video monitor or staying close by (within earshot but just out of sight, for example) can help create the illusion that mom isn’t looking over their shoulder – and isn’t available to join in the play.
There is such a thing as “too quiet”
The downside to “out of sight, out of mind” is, as you can imagine, that sometimes it turns into “out of sight, out of control fabric marker body art”:
Yes, there is such a thing as “too quiet.” I’ve learned that if I can’t hear the sounds of narrated pretend play or wooden blocks clacking together, it might be time to sneak upstairs for a peek.
This would be the Great Toothpaste Incident of 2011:
We recently got a video monitor, which has made it so much easier to keep an eye on Quiet Hour while still giving my preschooler the “separateness” from me and space to play independently. I love that I can follow him around our loft and even zoom in to watch him struggle to fit train tracks together.
I admit I might have gotten less work done at first because it was so fun to have this little window into his make-believe world!
I see Quiet Hour as an exercise in independent play – not as a “rest.”
I’ve chosen not to enforce any kind of “rest time” during our Quiet Hour. In fact, our two older kids spend their Quiet Hour in our upstairs loft, which is their playroom – and not in their bedrooms at all. Despite what we call it, they aren’t restricted to books or “quiet” activities – though if Quiet Hour coincides with the baby’s nap I do try to get them to keep the noise level under control.
Playing alone is a skill that I think kids develop at different ages and stages depending on the child (and more on that in a minute), and I love that our daily Quiet Hour not only allows me to get my work done, but is also helping them hone and develop that skill.
The funny thing is? Once I stopped expecting her to nap, I’d sometimes find her like this at the end of Quiet Hour:
Independence is a learned skill.
In the early days of Quiet Hour I got a lot of calls for help: Help me button this doll’s dress! Help me find a missing puzzle piece! Help me find something to DOOOOO!
I think most young preschoolers need “help” learning to play independently. So while I wanted a true, full, uninterrupted Quiet Hour, it took time for my kids to get to that point. In the meantime I tried to set them up for success with toys and activities they could do alone, and be consistent with my reminders that “Quiet Hour is independent time for both you and for mommy.”
I love that the talk-back feature on the VTech monitor allows me to answer their calls without shouting from downstairs – and that the video feed lets me know whether the “help” call is of the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” variety or, more likely, something like “My block tower keeps falling down every time I throw a ball at it.”
Routine, expectations, and transitions
If you’ve ever met a three-year-old, you know this is almost universally true: They thrive on predictable routine, clear expectations (and consistent follow-through), and gentle transitions.
Quiet Hour is no exception. It is by far more successful when I keep in mind those three keys to meltdown-avoidance. Here’s what that looks like for us:
- Routine – We do Quiet Hour every day – including on the weekends. When it’s non-negotiable, I notice a lot less push-back. We also keep the pre-QH routine consistent, similar to a nap or bedtime routine: go potty, have a drink of water, and a quick story. This way I’m not interrupted a few minutes into the hour with a potty or drink request.
- Expectations – There aren’t a lot of “rules” to Quiet Hour, but the expectations are clear: it happens every day, it lasts an hour, and it’s independent time for both mom and child.
- Transitions – Sometimes when I’m on a deadline or eager to get to my own work, I rush the transition into Quiet Hour – and it always comes back to bite me. Easing in with the routine and connecting with a quick snuggle before we part ways makes for a much better hour for both of us. I think the transition out of Quiet Hour is important too, and I try to put away my work when we reunite, and take a minute to admire a picture he drew or tower he built during his time upstairs.
It’s just an hour – but it has an impact on our entire day.
You might be wondering how much I can possibly get done in one hour a day. I work 10-15 hours per week at home, so Quiet Hour doesn’t even come close to covering my work time. But it does give me predictable, protected, and focused time each day – which makes working with, near and around my kids the rest of the day much easier.
It’s also a really positive thing for my kids, I think. They get to flex their independent play muscles. They get a break from mom. They get to indulge their imaginations and explore without input. Just like the napping days of baby- and toddler-hood gave us a needed break from one another, I think Quiet Hour does the same in a very positive, enriching way.
Quiet time didn’t work for my son, because he is quite mischief-prone. And I so remember dreading the end of napping and wondering what I would do all day with a child who didn’t nap! It was a rough transition, but thankfully he plays really well by himself, so I am able to grab pockets throughout the day to get things done. And on preschool (now elementary school) vacations, days off, etc, he does well as long as we have a nice balance between outings, structured playtime, and independent playtime. That being said, I don’t have a work-at-home job. I work 15 hours/week outside the home, in the evenings when my husband is home to watch my son. Obviously, when I’m home there is plenty of work to be done, but it would be harder for me if I had paid work that I needed to do while simultaneously taking care of a child.
Claire, it sounds like you’ve made it work for you – and your son! Thanks for sharing!
Articles like this always make me wonder what kind of stubborn freaks our kids are.
The first few years of each of their lives I couldn’t count on their sleep and play patterns being consistent at all. Every time I attempted to use those times to get something done they would change their patterns and I ended up feeling frustrated and resentful All. The. Time.
Quiet time was a failure with my older son when he was 3-4 because he would spend the entire time asking me every 2 minutes how much time was left which kind of defeated the purpose. I ended up angry and frustrated every single day so I quickly realized it wasn’t worth it in the scheme of things. Weird because he’s always been a kid who occupied himself very well. There was clearly something about the forced nature of Quiet Time he rebelled against.
I will say that things have become MUCH easier as they’ve gotten older and can play together. Ever since they were 5 and 2 I’ve been able to leave them to their own devices while I take short naps or carve out some work time for myself. I completely agree with the advice to work in another room because that seems to be the key for anything requiring concentration. I’m a musician and go through times when I have to spend a lot of time practicing. It works much better if I can manage to be on a different floor of the house. Trying to send email or do things like balance the check book while the kids are in the same room doesn’t work. I don’t know how you blogging moms do it!
Beth, I don’t think you’re alone at ALL. My oldest is very compliant, but I’m getting a lot more resistance from my middle. And my poor #3 has no hope of a regular schedule because we’re always on the go with the other two! So I don’t think a straight-up quiet hour probably works for everyone, and I agree that once they can play together it helps everyone!
None of my kids nap any more, they are 5, 6 and 7. But we do have an hour of rest time after lunch (on the days they’re not at school) where they can read books in bed.
My two year old is pretty good at (eventually) napping. After she pulls all of the books from her bookshelves and organizes her stuffed animal zoo. The cleaning fairy takes care of the mess once she finally passes out. Meh.
HAHAHA – a pre-nap routine, if you will.
Our naptimes are becoming obsolete…horrible-just horrible. However, we are still trying to hold onto hope. We put MG in her room and let her read and play (in her bed). She does pretty well but SO important to keep an eye on her. She has had a tendency to poop and fingerpaint…if you get my drift. She’s figured out if she does that, then she doesnt have to have quiet time anymore… OYYY…..
We’ve also tried the nap fairy which has been pretty successful. She has to nap and when she does a nap fairy will come and leave a treat (usually stickers or something) in her shoes.
OH MY GOODNESS I have not yet had a poop-painter but I know they exist! You need a video monitor it sounds like! Good luck!!
For both of our kids (ages 6 & 9) as soon as they decided they were done with napping they transitioned to quiet time in their rooms. It’s important to all of us to have time to relax and recharge – we still do quiet time on the weekends! They don’t fuss about it, they run off to their rooms for their “break”.
Marion, that’s great that it’s such a positive for your kids. And I think you’re right – adults need the quiet time too, and if we model it as a good thing, eventually they’ll catch on, right?
I’m thankful to still have naptime with our 3 year old – though he tries to get out of it. We read a few books, let him have a toy on his bed (usually a truck), and “sleep” with him for a minute. To get some quiet time (another time of day because he is soo active), he’s got a train table or big lego blocks that I can get him to play with by himself (for a little but at least).
Both my older kids have napped through most of the 3’s. My middle is 3.5 now and I’d say he’s 50/50 with nap and Quiet Hour – it is great to have the option of QH so that when he doesn’t nap, both of us know what to expect instead. AND, often he’ll start out saying he wants to do QH but crawls into bed midway through.
I call it “mommy quiet time” explaining it’s for me rather than a punishment for them (girl 7, boy almost 5). My main rule: Don’t do anything that would upset me. It works surprisingly well.
That’s brilliant, Maureen! I will have to try that over Christmas vacation.
YES, this is such a good point. I think I use the words “independent time” for both of us, which I hope I’m communicating as a positive thing (for both of us), as you say. Thanks, Maureen!
This is a good idea for kids of all ages, turn everything off and do something else for an hour. It helps slow my kids down quite a bit.
Melissa, good point. I hope we can continue this practice even as my kids get older. Thanks for the comment!
My three year old dropped his nap over the past few months, quiet hour sounds like a really good idea!
Good luck, Katelyn! It doesn’t work like magic right away, but hopefully in time you’ll have your hour back!
Thanks for the opp to win and help with time management!
Have our 3 month old and 15 month old foster children sibling group finally on a similar napping schedule. The 15 month old takes a morning and an afternoon nap and I finally have timed the little ones naps around his so this 5 month pregnant mama can close her eyes for a little bit too or try to organize my life and house a bit. Would love a video monitor seeing that come April we will have 3 kids under a year and a half!
OH MY goodness, Rebecca – good luck! (I mean, with the giveaway AND the three sweet little ones
)
I use have my son have quiet time in his room when my daughter was still taking naps. He usually read books
This is a great post! My three year old is beginning to transition out of napping and I am having a really hard time letting go of my precious free time! The video monitor is a great idea- It would allow me to have her play downstairs in our basement toyland while I enjoy some time to myself! Thankfully, my youngest still sleeps two hours each afternoon, and both children have very early bedtimes!!
Thanks, Clara! Good luck in the giveaway – I agree, it help so much to see what they’re up to!
We’re big quiet time fans around here! They have to stay on their beds and look at books or do puzzles or something. I’m sure something that “restrictive” wouldn’t work for all kids, but it’s all mine have ever known.
We have quiet reading time, where I’ll read aloud a few chapters from a classic book or a series. The kids (4, 3, 22 months) love it, and it gives me time to nurse our brand-new baby.
I love hearing how you manage with three children, since I’m a part-time work-at-home mom with 2 year old twin boys and I’m expecting a little girl in the spring. I worry about how on earth we will manage! it is comforting to hear that there are some ways even a mom of three (including non-nappers) manages to get some time to herself.
I have child care during my working hours but it only covers my working hours so I still need time to clean, cook, etc. in addition to playing with the boys. As they get older, they seem to get a little bit better at independent play and are able to do more fun things with me.
Thanks for putting this idea in my head!
Another great article full of excellent ideas from a fabulous writer. I took notes and will plan to enforce for child number 2 who is nowhere near the miracle sleeper of my first.
My toddler (19 months) resists nap time but the minute her head is on the mattress all is quiet. We have to read at least 6 books to get to that point but it’s worth the 2(isn) hour break I then get! Dreading the end of naps…
I have been thinking about doing some kind of quiet time for my 2.5 year old, she’s starting to give up her naps but is cranky if she doesn’t have one. She is moving out of her cot in to her own room next week so I think with the novelty of that plus your tips we should be off to a great start, thanks!
My oldest is 2 and is still taking regular 2 hour naps. I loved this article because, like you, I have been thinking that life will be over when he stops napping. Your tips for implementing ‘quiet hour’ will be pinned for later use!
I have quiet time for my 4 year old while my two younger boys sleep. She can watch 1 show or do any other quiet things. Shes really good at it! I don’t work from home but its the time I get things done!
Thanks for sharing what works in your family. Naps are now extinct around here but both of us could still use some rest in the afternoon and I haven’t figured out how to make it work yet.
Thanks for sharing what works in your house. I love reading about different variations of quiet time. Naps are over in our house but we both still need rest on the afternoon and I haven’t figured out how to make it work yet!
Oh man, there have been so many days I wished I could spy on my kids’ playtime, just to hear what they’re talking about. I’d love to use this and be a fly on the wall.
Entering because our (expensive, ugh) video monitor broke earlier this fall and we could use another one
But can’t afford to replace ours just now!
I work from home what ends up being more like 15-20 hrs a week (which I don’t recommend, without childcare, by the way). My 19 mo old naps a good 2-2.5 hrs most days. I leave her in her crib that long regardless. My 4.5 yr old had “quiet/play time” upstairs in our master bedroom (we are renting a 2 bedroom right now, so that’s the only other separate space). She is up there most days for about 2 hours. She goofs around and comes up with the most imaginative ideas. It is pretty funny. Some days, she sleeps which is great too. I have to be careful not to let her sleep too long at her age though! All in all, she does great with it and is quite reliable up there alone for the most part
I’d love some tips on how to start something like this. I have an almost 4 year old and almost 2.5 yet old – both who have pretty much stopped napping this summer and fall (except for days like today when they pass out in the car!). I think we all need this, but since I have never done it before and tips on starting it? We live on a one floor place as well, so although there’s 2 bedrooms etc we are never really far from each other. Thanks!
I love quiet time at our house. My kids, ages 6 and 8, often use it to read or play independently in their own rooms.
My four year old son has always dreaded naps but Mommy needs that break just as much as he does! I set the expectation of a nap but as long as he is quiet in his room I don’t interrupt him. I love to overhear his little conversations with himself :p I will say that nap times became much easier when he switched from a toddler bed to a big boy bed and we separated the bedroom from the play room!
Love this idea! Thanks for sharing!
And the monitor looks awesome too!
We have always done quiet time in our home, too, and it is a sanity saver for sure!
Great post! Would love to win this
Right now we have mandatory “rest time”. The 2 year old and the 7 month old sleep, the 4 year old has to stay in his bed quietly for 30-60 minutes. He falls asleep about a third of the time. Otherwise he reads books or just chills out for the time.
My two year old does pretty well with naps. Sometimes he cries or gets up but he usually is asleep in ten minutes. My 6 week old loves to sleep all day so naps aren’t a problem, it is night time that needs some work.
Wow! What a great idea. I’m already dreading the transition to no nap and this is encouraging
Thank god my 3 year old still naps! With her and our 10 month old twins at home, I MUST have time every afternoon, even if naps only all overlap 30 minutes sometimes. It’s usually my only uninterrupted time to shove in some food, take a quick shower and maybe, if I’m lucky, check email!
My 3 and 4 year old did pretty well with a quiet play time until we brought the new baby into the mix a few weeks ago. Now they keep coming out to “help” me with her every time she makes a peep. I’m ready to return to the old routine but trying to be patient enough for the new one to emerge!
This is fantastic – I have a 3 year old who is about to give up naps completely (:() and a one year old that I never get to see what she’s doing. . . . I never know if she’s up or sleeping or into something. It would be great to keep an eye on things so I could get things done without constantly checking or hoping nothing crazy is going on! Cute pics of the ‘incidents’!
Thanks so much for your wisdom!
My three year old has quiet time every afternoon but we still do two hours some. days he sleeps,others he does legos the entire time.
Wow Helen, your son has a really good attention span! My almost-6 year old wouldn’t be able to do legos for two hours. Even with a new and exciting activity, I don’t think he would last that long.