When my oldest kids were little, I felt a lot of pressure to cart them around to various activities, playgroups, and classes. Never mind that some of the classes made me want to run, hyperventilating, for the nearest exit. Never mind that I wasn’t particularly smitten with the other moms in the playgroup. Never mind that I couldn’t really afford all those classes. I saw filling our calendar with constant ‘enrichment’ as my duty as Mom, and never gave too much thought to what I might get out of the whole experience.
No more. Now I’m unabashedly selfish when it comes to choosing activities for my littlest ones. I wrote a guest post for Rookie Moms about my philosophy on activities for very young children. From the post:
“Small children are, for the most part, easy to please. Give them time and space to move their bodies and raise their voices, a play-based activity (organized or not), and another small person to interact with, and they’ll have a ball. They don’t have to engage with a mini-soulmate at every playdate or train with the most renowned musical instructors before they’re out of Pull-Ups.
Someday—sooner than you might think—your kid will be begging you for hockey equipment and karate lessons. You’ll be roped into PTA committees and booster clubs and find yourself working closely with people you might not have otherwise chosen to spend time with.
Until then, exercise your right to be a little selfish.”
Read the whole post over at Rookie Moms. But before you go, tell me: how much do you consider your own needs and wants when setting up your family calendar?
I absolutely agree with you – I’m wary about scheduling, to the point that my children have internalized it and often choose to read or play quietly – they are thrilled by such mundane adventures as a ride on the subway. I frankly consider this all great news – yes part is selfishness about the calendar but, truly, I also think it’s the right thing for them! Off to read your post now. Thanks.
I agree! I choose a lot of unstructured time for my kids for a whole host of reasons.
1. I’m not a planner.
2. I think boredom is great for kids.
3. Some of my fondest memories as a kid stem from having to entertain myself endlessly. No siblings and a hard-working single-mom made for a creative childhood.
4. Who can afford all of that?
Thanks for the pass. I’ll take it.
This is why my second child is in far fewer classes than my first was. And at 18 months, he doesn’t seem to be any less ‘enriched’. Because, honestly, how ‘enriched’ can a pre-verbal child be, anyway?
A wise (/wizened) and overextended father of two warned me as I deliberating having a second child: When you have one child, they do what YOU want to do. When you have two(+), you do what THEY want to do.
Sigh.
;o)
This is music to my ears. I struggle with this all the time, filling up our days with playgroup after playgroup until I’m so burned out that the thought of leaving my house makes me want to cry. I’m really trying to cut down and spend more one on one time with my kiddo.
My time comes first; I have less of it left than they do!
We each have a maximum of two activities outside the home, and even that maximum is rare. Playdate? If I have to “arrange” it, it’s not play. My children request a friend come over;I place the call for the one child who is too small to use the phone; they play. To much interference and organization is a buzz-kill.
Selfish? No. In my book it is sanity-preservation.
I totally agree. When I did try filling up our schedule with regular playdates, playgroups and classes, my son was asking to stay home. I definitely consider myself in our scheduling, but I’m really aware that my son is less social than I am so we just don’t need to be running around and hanging out with people all of the time. Plus, when I was doing that, I was exhausted too. The balance between not scheduling too much and ending up in the house for days at a time because the outer world ceases to exist is what we’re trying to figure out now.
Unstructured time is creative time. The more of it you have, the more creative you’ll be! How can a child think for himself/herself if everything is plotted out and planned for him/her? Great post — glad to hear more parents are getting it!
My computer is not letting me comment on your most-recent post “happy marriage advice from a previously divorced mom,” but I wanted to share that the best relationship book I’ve ever read is Susan Page’s, Why Talking is Not Enough
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Talking-Not-Enough-Transform/dp/0787995290/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265911982&sr=8-1
This book had a profound effect on my marriage.
Here’s what I learned/accepted.
My hubby is not going to change and why should he?(and by the way, many of the thing that bug me now, appealed to me when we met)
There are still a lot of things that I can DO (i.e., my own deeds) that can change the tenor of our relationship.
Just treating my husband with unfailing courtesy has had a profound effect on our relationship as he feels respected, which is very important to him.
Thanks for writing on an important topic, Diana
My kids are still under 4, so outside of swimming lessons (which I feel are essential for safety reasons) they have no organized activities. I’m happy to leave it like this as long as I can, or at least until the oldest starts asking to participate.
When I was home on maternity leave with my first I was out and about in his first year of life doing every mommy and baby activity I could find. Some I enjoyed for the pure social, some I felt pressure to do. With my second I stayed put and just relied on Twitter for social
I’ll admit though that I sometimes worry that the second will be affected by how little we did in the way of “getting out”. Probably not, it’s just more mommy guilt.
I love this!
God, I’m a new mom who has her child enrolled in NO classes…and I have no intention of enrolling him….and it’s so refreshing to see someone who’s not pressuring me to do so. He’d go enough going on in his life – everything is new! It’s all a learning experience and a free one.
He can wait to start classes. Right now is time (and money) we can’t get back as a family.