December’s Theme at The Happiest Mom: The Three R’s-Ritual, Routine & Rhythm.

Small moments are the building blocks of our entire lives. Let's use them with care.

Alarm clock. Coffee pot. Brush teeth and hair. Breakfast, snack, lunch, nap, snack, dinner. Bath, jammies, story, lights-out. As moms, our lives often seem to be dictated by the three R’s-ritual, routine, and rhythm.

Ritual? I know, you probably aren’t performing animal sacrifices in your living room each morning (if you are, I stand corrected.) But one of the Merriam Webster definitions of ritual is simply: “An act or series of acts regularly performed in a precise manner.” Looking at it that way, a ritual is just a habit done with intention.

And the same dictionary defines rhythm as “A movement or activity in which some action or element recurs regularly.” Which actually isn’t that different from a routine, is it? Only I like to think about rhythm being the larger picture-the tempo and cadence of family life overall, not just moment to moment or day to day.

This month’s theme here at The Happiest Mom is going to be all about creating the lives we want-intentionally choosing the rituals we ‘ll use to give our daily routines shape and create the rhythms of our lives.

Let’s think about rituals first. You probably already have a million little rituals you perform every day. Likely there are some nurturing, enjoyable ones in there-your morning cup of tea, or reading your child a bedtime story, then giving three kisses before lights-out.

Of course, you’ve probably got some not-so-positive habits that could stand to be replaced with a more intentional ritual. Maybe it’s the way you hit the snooze button four or five times before rolling out of bed, disoriented and late. Or get on Facebook “one last time” before bed and then fall asleep an hour later than you probably should have. Maybe you perform a sweaty, red-faced hunt for your child’s shoes every day because they are never by the front door. Sound familiar?

A morning cup of coffee–prepared at the same time, in the same place, the same way–is a great example of a deep-seated ritual.

And then there are the things you really want to do that you can’t seem to find time for. For example, maybe you’ve been meaning to learn to play the piano in your living room for five years but can never seem to find time to practice. Or you always want to do art projects with your child but more often than not, you get to the end of the day and realize it didn’t happen..again.

In hindsight, you can likely identify pockets of time where those things could have happened. It’s just that they weren’t part of your daily routine, so they were overlooked. And I’ve found that the best way to turn something from a “want to do…someday” to an essential part of your life is to wrap the activity in ritual. Think of it this way: if you love coffee, you probably always make time for that morning cup, right?

It’s not just about getting stuff done, either. Likely there are some activities you take part in day after day that don’t really serve you or your family. Like taking cell phone calls in the store even though you don’t really want to talk to anyone just then and it’ll distract you from what you’re there to do. (You’re like one of Pavlov’s dogs when you hear that ringtone.) Or always saying “Sure!” when somebody asks you to a social event without stopping to consider whether you really want to go or if you’re just glad to have been asked. Figuring out what doesn‘t fit in our lives is just as important as making room for the stuff we want to do.

We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I am a goal-oriented person, and that can be great. But when I focus too much on the big picture-all those down-the-road things I hope to do and accomplish and enjoy-I sometimes forget that actually, the whole of life is made up of moments just like this one. Maybe you’re the detail-oriented type that has each day planned in fifteen-minute increments, but when you try to envision bigger goals for your family, you draw a blank.

As the days grow shorter and colder and the year grows old, it’s a great opportunity to curl up with a cup of cocoa, turn on some Bing Crosby if that’s your thing, and think about the whole picture of our lives-forest, trees, and all. So this month I’ll be taking a hard look at the way I spend my days and reassessing some of those not-so-helpful habits I mindlessly engage in. I’ll be creating some new rituals to take the place of unhelpful habits, examining my daily routine to make sure it’s working for me and the rest of the family, and thinking longer-term about the kind of rhythm I’d love my family life to have now and in the future.

So often we don’t stop to think about why something isn’t working while we’re in the thick of it. Instead, we rush through it day after day and then flop into bed relieved that we survived and hoping tomorrow will be better. So before we really dive into the topic, I’d like everyone to think of a few frustrating, stressful things that seem to happen to us over and over again. Maybe you can never find your keys when you need to. Maybe you keep having the same fight with your daughter at the same time of day in the same store. Or perhaps homework is a constant source of stress. Are there any factors that might be contributing to the frustration? Is there anything about the situation you can control and change?

I’d love if you brainstorm with me in the comments. Of course, I’m going to be sharing a lot of my own stressful moments and attempts at redefining them this month, too. And I’ll be back tomorrow with some ideas for creating new rituals to overcome unhelpful habits. I hope you’ll join me!

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