Today’s post is written by Happiest Home contributor and resident book reviewer Devon Barta of The Paperhouse. Enjoy!
Last week was a tough week.
We had four t-ball games, four gymnastics rehearsals that lead up to one gymnastic recital, gobs of work to check off a never-ending list for a local group I’m involved in, a stint as a fill-in editor for the local newspaper and all of the other normal-week stuff we ordinarily do.
I was at my max physically, and it was taking its toll emotionally.
So when Brock approached me for what felt like the 1,057th time to ask, “Will you puhleeze play Uno with me again,” I snapped.
And not the exasperated, palm-over-the-phone, “no honey, I’m working right now” brush off. I mean the bulging-eyes, frizzed-out hair, no-more-wire-hangers kind of snap.
Over a request for a ten-minute game of Uno by my five-year-old son.
And now that I think about it, his request might not have been as whiney as I’m making it out to be. In fact, I think it was a simple question, “Hey, Mom. Wanna play some Uno? I’ll bet’cha an ice cream I’ll win.”
He was tired of getting pushed aside by the chime of my phone and the bing of my email. He just wanted his mom.
I’ve lost it on my kids before. I’ve said things I regretted, but they’ve never been so bad that I didn’t even know where to start to take it back – or at least smooth it over – until last week.
When Brock silently set the Uno deck on the table, hung his head and walked upstairs to his bedroom, I knew I crossed a line and created a memory that would take a lot of hugs and I’m sorrys to scrub away.
After he and I spent some time talking about it, I felt like I needed to be comforted as well. But I didn’t know where to turn. I have really, really good friends and a very strong, supportive family, but I didn’t want to share with anyone how I had reacted to my child.
In fact, typing this here, now, to you is … well, hard. Embarrassing. Humbling. And the funny thing is, I have no doubt that almost every mother reading this has been through almost the exact same thing. There’s this gray area in motherhood that we all slip into every once in awhile but that no one talks about. And I don’t blame us – it’s kind of ugly, and it’s embarrassing. Even though most of us have a safe place weaved into our friendships and families, we don’t often use it because of the guilt and shame we feel about whatever drives us to go there.
Lucky for us, popular blogger and author Glennon Doyle Melton holds this space for mothers and has shared it in her new book, the New York Times bestselling Carry On, Warrior.
“Holding space” is an appropriate way to phrase what Melton’s work does for two reasons: One, she coined the term; and two, it is exactly what she does with her words, breathes space into what can otherwise be an isolating, suffocating period of our lives.
Melton is the blogging dynamo who, through essays such as Don’t Carpe Diem, For Adam and Officer Superhero, has struck a chord in her readers.
Carry On, Warrior is an extension of her web-based essays, offering humor, advice and honesty about everything from parenting, marriage and her hilarious take on housekeeping. But they do more: Her work, and this book in particular, is a great reminder that we’re all struggling. And, more importantly, we’re all thriving. We can do both; in fact we do both every day.
It’s one thing for an author to write about how motherhood makes her feel – it’s quite another for those essays to sometimes work as a mirror for the reader. Melton has a knack for pulling out all of the good in everything around her and passing that gift along to anyone who takes the time to read her words.
Something a good friend would do.
I know that reading a book and sharing experiences with friends can seem like two very different things, but with Melton they somehow aren’t. With equal parts humor, humility and honesty, Melton’s work is comforting. Carry On, Warrior is a safe place to go to be brutally honest about parenthood, marriage, our ineptitude for laundry – whatever it might be – until we’re ready to tackle that overflowing laundry basket, talk to our children about bullying or play our 1058th game of Uno.
Thanks for your honesty. I know I have moments like that more often that I’d care to. But it helps to know I’m not alone in that.
Thank you for your nice comment, Shell. Yes, I agree, it’s so nice to know that others have been – or are going through – something similar.
So, my mothers day was less than smooth and as I ushered my unruly kiddos to bed early before I lost it. My oldest said something and I said something ugly back…which I instantly apologized for but now I am wanting to flog myself over and over (if I could remember my exact words, that is!) because I think we are ALWAYS harder on ourselves than we should be…so, what was it I said? If only I could remember and cause myself to lose sleep which doesn’t really help anyone! ugh! momma guilt is a bear!
I love this comment! Thank you, Nattie. I’m sorry, though, that you had a rough Mother’s Day.
We are so hard on ourselves, that’s true — it’s just that so much is at stake, sometimes it feels like each interaction is amplified.
You’re exactly right, every mother has been through this. We’re all human beings who get exhausted, tired, grumpy, irritable. It’s a part of human nature. A part of life. It’s what makes us, us.
It doesn’t make you a bad mother to snap every once in a while. It makes you a good mother to fix it and that’s exactly what you did.
Thank you for such a kind, thoughtful comment. You’re absolutely right. It feels good to have been able to “talk” about this and receive such helpful feedback. Thank you.
Thans for sharing your thoughts. I have had to apologize to my kids for raising my voice, and even though they accept my apology sweetly, I still felt so bad for not keeping my cool! I thought you and your family (and your customers?) might like this book. It gave my kids a cute way of making me laugh when my sense of humour is temporarily missing.
When Mommy was Mad, by Lynne Jonell. http://www.lynnejonell.com/books/mmad.html
I’m not affiliated with her in any way, just loved the story. Hope you do too!
Hey Alex, thanks for the kind comment and for the fantastic book recommendation! It looks adorable and something that might be fun to have in our store. I always love trying new things.
Thank you!