Yes, I’m being just a bit facetious. But over at my Babble blog today, I’m reflecting about how having lots of kids – and, by necessity, being forced to expect a lot of them in return – has made me a happier mom and perhaps, is helping my children grow up into more productive adults:
…I’m not sure most of those who stopped at one or two kids take adequate advantage of their young family members. After all, I started out as a fairly typical American parent, wanting my kids to pull their weight, but not always sure how much to expect in an increasingly child-centric culture.
There was no pressing need to drop the hammer from day to day; even without their chipping in, I could still more or less manage (if grumpily.) And frankly, expecting kids to pull their weight – and enforcing those rules day in and day out – is tough. When I had “just” the two kids, the daily tradeoff hardly seemed worth it: better to just do it myself than try to oversee a pair of rambunctious, clumsy pint-sized employees.
It was only when my third was born (my oldest were 4 and 6 at the time) and I realized that I would have to expect more of the older kids for sheer survival’s sake that I began asking my kids to step up. And step up they did, and have, if reluctantly at first… READ THE REST
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I definitely agree! I’m still somewhat “in the trenches” as my four are now 8, 6, 3.5, and 2 but I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My kids do have to help from sheer necessity and I like that. It’s one of the reasons I wanted four kids – because I knew that it would force me not to spoil them in many ways. I’m from a big family and knew this is how it works.
My 8yo does the laundry now — I still sort it (heck, I don’t even trust my husband with that). He’ll take each basket and start the washer, transfer to the dryer, and unload. I still fold it but then the 6yo puts it all away in the correct drawers. For each task I ask myself “Is this something one of the kids can do?” and if it is, I have them do it. It may take some training and prodding, but eventually they learn how. I have also found that the younger they are the more willing they are to help. So capture that skill young and then it’s easier to maintain as they get older. And praise – LOTS of praise. I am constantly telling my 8yo how happy it makes me that he is helping with the laundry and how important it is to me. And that it’s ok to make honest mistakes. He’ll forget the dryer sheet now and then but there are worse things in life. I’ll point it out but also let him know that Mommy’s forgetten them before too and maybe if we put the box closer it will remind him next time, etc.
I only have one two-year-old but he already loves helping out. I was washing the dishes and he wanted to help, so he stood on a step and I would hand him one of his plastic dishes so that he could place it on the tray.
I also have him put away his clothes in the hamper, and he likes changing his bedsheets. To them, these are still fun things to do, and I intend on taking advantage for as long as I can!
I need to get on this because I’m totally falling into the trap of it’s just easier to do it myself.
You’re describing some ad hoc work but do your kids also have regular daily or weekly chores?
How much choice do your kids have in which work they do and when they do it?
Any ideas on how to stop the cajoling/reminding/nagging/lecturing/seriously-do-I-have-to-beg-or-scream-just-do-it spiral without bribing or rewarding or giving up?
I totally agree with enlisting the kids’ help. I only have two, and they are young, but the five year old has a list of chores has does – including feeding the dogs and putting kid dishes away. The little one is 2, so he wants to do everything himself. I try to let him do as much as possible, hoping he will still want to help when he is older.
I agree 100%! I have an 8 yr old and a 5 yr old and they already know chores are a FAMILY job!
I am trying to be so conscious of this– even if I put the toys away more neatly than they would, it’s a better idea to have them learn how to help. And after asking him yesterday to wash the table after supper, my six-year old went without prompting and got a washcloth (clean, but not a dishcloth!) and washed the whole table himself. Even though he fell halfway through, he went back and finished it. I could burst with pride.
Nice post. Yes that can be good if kids can already handle the household chores. Since my kids are already enough I have assigned each of them a work to do.