Hi everyone! Sarah here, stepping in for Meagan in the Sunday morning spot. Every Sunday we share a moment from our week and a few thoughts on motherhood or life in general. We call it Sunday Morning Tea – except when I’m writing, when it’s coffee.
And do you know what? It was by design.
Yep. This year, I took charge of my birthday and made it awesome.
I don’t usually get that worked up about my birthday one way or another. I don’t bemoan the whole aging thing, nor do I typically make big plans to live it up. Being a Valentine baby, I’ve always enjoyed the festivities (and chocolate!) that are guaranteed to accompany my birthday, but beyond the usual family dinner and well-wishes from friends, I’m pretty content letting the kids’ Valentine’s Day celebrations take center stage.
But this year was different. It probably had something to do with the fact that on my birthday last year I had a brand new baby and couldn’t fathom the idea of going out – or even staying up one minute later than I absolutely had to. So about a month ago I decided that this year I wanted to celebrate; and I was going to put in the effort and make the plans to make it happen.
Maybe it sounds self-centered, or control-freakish, or like a total buzzkill to plan your own birthday – and maybe for some of you it would feel that way. But I know myself (which is one of the true gifts of adulthood, no?). And I knew that I’d feel more relaxed and celebratory – that I’d be happiest - if I took the lead on planning.
So I emailed my girlfriends and arranged a night out. I coordinated with my mom and planned a joint birthday celebration with the family for me and my dad (whose birthday is about a week before mine). I arranged a babysitter for our date night. I even went so far as to drop some very specific hints to my husband about some little gifts I wanted.
And it worked! I looked forward to each of the celebrations I planned – much more so than I would have looked forward to a hush-hush surprise. My sweet husband – who is, it should be clearly stated, fully capable of planning and arranging a lovely birthday all by himself – didn’t have to ask for the sitter’s number or press me for gift ideas. I felt relaxed knowing what was coming: that there would be cupcakes from Sprinkles with my family last Sunday; that I’d clink glasses with my closest girlfriends on Wednesday night; and, despite the seemingly lucky draw of a birthday falling on a Friday, that by 8:00pm I would be in my pajamas with a great glass of red wine and watching an episode of Breaking Bad - because that’s exactly how I wanted to spend my birthday.
It makes sense, really. In our house I’m the keeper of the calendar. I enjoy planning things, and I dislike surprises. And while some years I may be fine not making big birthday plans, or sitting back and letting Bryan and the kids surprise me, this year I felt like taking the lead.
As it turned out, all this was a great little mini-exercise in remembering to think about what I want, as hard that is to do in this phase of life I’m in. It was a reminder that I can apply that “plan and organize” part of my brain toward my own pursuits and enjoyment, not just toward playdates and work deadlines – and that when I do, I’m not only carving out time for myself, I’m also nurturing my family and my relationships by ensuring we take time for celebrations with, and for, one another.
And finally – maybe most importantly – I think it sent a message to my kids. My kids who LIVE for birthdays, who still think cheap plastic gift bag trinkets are amazing, who sing “Happy Birthday” at the top of their lungs and count the days until it’s their chance to make a wish and blow out the candles. I hope that by taking an active role in my own fun this year, I sent the message that birthdays are more than just a colorful show grownups put on for little kids; they’re everybody’s chance to feel celebrated – including mom’s.
Thanks for spending your Sunday morning with us! If you’ve missed them, you can catch up on more Sunday Morning Tea – and Coffee! – posts right here.