Well, hello! As Meagan wrote yesterday, there are some exciting developments happening here at The Happiest Mom – and one of them is me! I’m Sarah and I’m now Managing Editor for the blog, and I’ll also be contributing regularly. You can read more about me on the About page and more from Meagan on what’s new around here in yesterday’s post.
Recently I’ve come to a parenting crossroads. Maybe you know the feeling: you find yourself lying awake at night wondering what to do next, and despite no shortage of Google-able information and heated opinions you’re still not sure what the right answer is for your family. I’ve been feeling unsure, resistant to change, and most of all, really really unprepared for what I’m facing.
You see, my kids have discovered Star Wars. And I’ve never seen Star Wars.
Let’s talk about that last statement first. Since I’m new here on The Happiest Mom I feel the need to defend myself a little. I’m not pop-culturally illiterate, I promise. (Here, I’ll prove it to you: Did you know that not only is Sean going to be the next Bachelor, but that they’re bringing back one of the girls from a previous season to compete? My money is on Kacey B. from Ben’s season.) I just missed the boat on Star Wars for a few reasons: one, I was born in 1980, making me just a little too young to enjoy the first round of movies; two, I’m the oldest in my family and therefore didn’t have older siblings or other kids around me to indoctrinate me into the world of Obi-Wan; and three, I’ve just never been into anything resembling sci-fi or fantasy — even the stuff that seems to have wildly popular appeal.
So here I am, a child of the 80′s who has never seen any of the Star Wars movies — married, no less, to a child of the late 70′s who spent his boyhood brandishing lightsabers and perfecting his Yoda voice. And now we are parents to two amazing and curious kids who have caught the bug.
It started with my two-year-old’s obsession with swords, jousting, knights and castles. (Okay, mostly swords.) At a friend’s house one day he discovered a fascinating variation on the sword: a lightsaber. Back at home my husband was eager to regale both kids with stories of Jedi Knights, lightsaber battles, Darth Vadar, and other things I still don’t understand and can’t pronounce. Pretty soon the three of them were holding Jedi Master training sessions in the living room, complete with sound effects and technical terminology.
For now we have decided that the kids are too young to watch the movies (I keep hearing that five or six is about the right age, and ours are two and four-and-a-half). Of course that hasn’t stopped them from learning the characters and stories, and the reach of the Lucas empire means that they see the images on everything from stickers and storybooks to t-shirts and sippy cups.
So into our life Star Wars has come, and here I am feeling a little, well, unsure about it all.
It’s not that I have specific objections to the storyline (what I know of it, anyway); while I’m pretty careful about the kids’ exposure to scary or violent media at this age, I’m actually much less concerned when it comes to stories that we read or tell or talk about at home. My personal opinion is that some “good guys vs. bad guys” imaginative play is healthy and developmentally normal, so I’m fine with sword fights and lightsaber battles, as long as there are obvious safety boundaries and mutual consent among all “fighters.”
So why the parental anxiety on my part? I think it’s because I didn’t see this coming. I didn’t know that I’d need to brush up on my 80′s pop culture knowledge to answer my preschooler’s questions about the Millennium Falcon. One minute they were into The Sword in the Stone (one of my favorite Disney movies as a kid) and the next we were transported to a galaxy far, far away. I was more prepared for discussions about tough subjects, like how exactly this baby got into my belly (and how she’s going to get out) or what happens when we die. Those conversations don’t even phase me, but seriously: what do I say if they ask me why Darth Vadar is the bad guy?
I realize that in the grand scheme of things this is not a big problem. But the feeling of being unprepared is something that many moms — especially new moms — face at some point. For those of us who feel better when we know what’s coming, this can be a little unsettling; it can make us feel like we showed up to class without having done our homework and now surprise! POP QUIZ.
But, of course, it’s impossible to be prepared for everything. Maybe you read every book on sleep training, then ended up with a perfect sleeper who challenged you in other areas, like teething or breastfeeding. Maybe you were dead-set on a certain style of parenting but found that it just plain didn’t work with your child and you found yourself back at the drawing board. Or maybe you felt prepared for everything having to do with the baby, but struggled with the “mom-stuff”: making friends, finding time for yourself, and figuring out how your new life as a mom meshes with your life pre-kids. It’s a lesson in flexibility, this role — you can study up all you want, but in the end so much of the learning we do happens on the fly.
I guess in this case, I have two choices: become a Star Wars expert by watching the (six?) movies, or let go of the need to have all the answers. While my husband would love nothing more than a Star Wars movie marathon, I think the second option will serve me better in the long run. I’m pretty sure my kids will survive if I never learn how to pretend to be Han Solo (or never quite figure out who that even is). It’s possible to help our family make good choices about what movies and media are appropriate without in-depth knowledge of every scene of every story. And maybe most importantly, I am sure my kids are better off without mom sharing in every phase and obsession they go through.
So bring on Luke and Leia and Jabba the Hutt. I may have no idea who they are, but I’m prepared to live with that.
Do you have Star Wars fans in your house? Am I really missing anything by not ever watching the movies? Have you ever been caught off guard by or felt unprepared for a phase your kids went through?
Photo credit: Andres Rueda via Flickr Creative Commons
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t worry! Although I feel really bad for you for not being a sci-fi geek like myself, I can tell you that in our happy, close-knit home growing up, my dad, sister, and I all bonded over the Star Wars movies, while my mom stood back and just rolled her eyes. This led to many more books and films over the years. My sister and I are both a.)functional, well-adjusted members of society and b.) very close to our mom, who has never liked sci-fi!!!
Thanks, Katie! I love that your mom was the oddball in your family (and that you love her anyway). I guess there’s still hope for me yet. I appreciate the comment!
Love this post, Sarah. You know, I somehow missed all the Star Wars hoopla, too. I know that my brothers and sister went to see one of the movies (whichever one came out in 1977, see, this is how clueless I am) while I was being born, and I know I must have seen them all at least once as a kid (I have three older sibs ranging from 4-10 years older than me) but I just never really got into them…well, until I had kids, and was kind of forced into it. I still wouldn’t say they are my favorite movies, but I do take pleasure in experiencing them with my kids – and my husband, who is a total SW fan.
Thanks, Meagan! When my husband read this post his first comment was: “wow. your [SW] ignorance is really impressive.” I guess any small amount of knowledge I pick up from here on out will be better than nothing – ha! I think the ewoks (sp?) are kind of cute…is that a good start?
I’ve got four kids, all grown up now, but over the years there have been many kids interests that I did not participate in. WWE wrestling comes to mind immediately. Disney movies is another (I hate animated movies). Professional sports is another. My husband filled in the gaps where he could — he’s a big sports fan and he took the kids to all the Disney movies. I lead the kids into reading, crafts, scouts, and playgroups. I feel a parent cannot do everything and cannot know everything. Not involving yourself in Star Wars gives your kids an opportunity to see that everyone is different in their likes/dislikes and gives the kids an opportunity to teach you…rather than always the other way around.
Love your wisdom, Jessy, and oh my – I think I’d have to opt out of WWE too. Ha! Thanks so much for reading, and for the comment!
Sarah, Embrace the force within you!
I am a lot older than you, but my kids are just ahead of yours (5 yr old girl and 7 yr old boy). My son is a Star Wars fan and I do remember seeing at least the first movie as a kid. I did watch all of the movies as support for him and as an understanding of how much violence was ok. And yes, 5 or 6 is a good age for Star Wars, but we still have not let him watch #3. I also love that the original series is less disturbing than quite a few of the cartoons available now. There was a long period of time where my son didn’t feel like he had any more room in his heart for any other passion besides Star Wars. It is that big at his private school where some kids don’t have TV’s.
I would suggest that you see the first movie that came out (IV) because it is a great story and teaching tool. We see the same story repeated in many other shows and books. We have even referred to it as a life lesson. We use George Lucas as an example of someone who has made a tremendous living off of his screen plays and how their awesome child imaginations can create something spectacular. We talk about how the music is a spring board for so many artists. We use Star Wars as a jumping off point for reading, piano lessons, Greek Mythology lessons and so much more. These conversations come up naturally in our life. So use the force for good not evil and enjoy your ride on the Millennium Falcon.
No you don’t have to jump on every band wagon the kids hitch onto, but when they are young these opportunities allow for so many other life lessons.
KK
Kathleen, I LOVE your comment. My style is totally to turn everything into a teachable moment, so I do want to know enough of the story to do just as you say – turn them into life lessons.
Thanks for the practical advice, too – I’m totally going to take it!
As a Star Wars fan from the time it was released (http://www.tragicsandwich.com/childhood-dreams/), I think you’re missing out. But here’s the thing: no matter what you catch up on, you’re going to be missing out on something. There just isn’t time to see and read it all.
But I don’t think you have to be an expert. If you want, you can discover the movies with your kids, and talk about them. And if you don’t want to, that’s also okay. But personally, I do think you’re right that your kids are a little young for it. I was 8 when Star Wars was first released, and I think that’s probably a decent age (depending on the child’s individual personality and sensitivities, of course).
Quick, non-spoiler-y thoughts: I’m sure we’ll show these to Baguette in a couple of years, and I suspect that Mr. Sandwich and I will show them to her in the order in which they were released. Also, I think that the violence in Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is probably the least little-kid-friendly, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen the movies. Star Wars itself has almost no gore at all.
You’re so right – I have no hope of ever being an expert. All these great comments are definitely making me thinking it’s worth learning a little more, though! Thanks for reading!
We are going through the exact same thing here at almost the exact same ages – and you’ve described almost the exact same excitement level out of both my husband (THRILLED) and myself (uninterested to the point of not even sure which character is played by which actor except that Liam Neeson is in one movie, right(?) … and I like Liam Neeson, so maybe I’ll watch that one – if I can figure out which one it is).
So, yeah, I hear you …
Devon, I can’t wait to bond more over this! I’m so glad I’m not alone!
With our 2 boys and a star wars obsessed Dad (and it didn’t help me lucking out on some vintage star wars figures and glasses at a garage sale and fueling the fire)…we had star wars obsessed kids in our house at a pretty early age. I have seen all the movies (the originals many times) the new ones not so much since I didn’t like them all that much, but I still get corrected on things all the time. My knowledge is severely lacking though they find it funny and like knowing things that I don’t. The way we watch the movies in our house so far are that they can watch A New Hope at age 5, Empire at age 6 and Return of the Jedi at age 7. It makes for a really fun addition to those birthdays too. I have to re-watch the newer ones to determine the level of violence, but I’m guessing we will skip some years before letting them see those. My 4-year old knows the stories (we have some books and his brother tells him things) and characters and all about light sabers though, even though he hasn’t seen the movies yet.
I love the “birthday” system, and I agree that it’s possible to enjoy the stories and themes before they actually watch the films (or, put another way, it might be impossible to AVOID those things). Thanks for the advice!
Hey friend! Welcome to your new online home
I’ve never seen any of them either (although I’ve seen a lot of clips- the trash compactor sticks in memory), but recently a colleague gave a presentation on George Lucas, Joseph Campbell, and the Hero’s Journey, and it made me more seriously consider seeing the movies. This same SW-obsessed colleague and friend, having overcome his horror at my SW ignorance, recommended that I see only the 3 old ones, and not waste my time with any of the new ones. So next time I’m sick, and so sick that work of any kind is out, I’ll be watching all three. I’ll report back fully
Thank you! You and I were probably pretending Anne of Green Gables when all this was going on.
Let me know how the movies are…I’m loving all these other comments and it makes me actually want to watch at least the “first” one (which is actually IV in the series – see! I’ve learned something!). xoxo
Hi, Sarah! Great post and great to see you here at The Happiest Mom!
I’ve thought it over and decided that we can still be friends even though you’ve never seen the Star Wars movies.
I grew up as a huge Star Wars fan and so did my husband so we were in our comfort zone when our five year old expressed his interest in light sabers and X-wing fighters.
To the point of your post, we weren’t, though, when he started asking questions about actual space and when his understanding of science came to outpace our own. Or when he started asking us questions about different religious beliefs and whether or not God exists. So, yeah, prepare to be unprepared: a definite truism of parenting.
May I leave you with the advice to start with the original three Star Wars movies? The newer three pale in comparison, in my opinion.
Also, an article you might enjoy: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/11/fashion/popularity-of-star-wars-endures-even-for-children.html?_r=1
Oh, I can’t wait to check out that article! Thanks Kristen! Glad you still want to be my friend.
Seriously, all these comments from wise mamas and smart women are kinda making me want to sit down and watch the movies!
Love this post! I, too, missed the Star Wars phase when I was growing up, but ended up in adult relationships with men who loved Stars Wars. Having seen at least 4 out of the 6 movies now, I still don’t exactly get it, but maybe we’re not supposed to always get it. My son, who is almost 3, is not yet interested in Star Wars, but he’s obsessed with fire trucks. I know nothing about fire trucks, but I can still share in his interest with him. Speaking of motherhood and being unprepared, I am still adjusting to my role as mother in relation to the rest of the world around me…still trying to figure out the whole balance thing, the whole “who am I now that I’m also a mother.” And, on a lighter note, I was completely unprepared for the “terrible twos.” It seemed like overnight, my calm, happy baby went into a phase (and is still there!) when I’m not sure what to expect each morning when I wake him up – a screaming, tantrummy (is that even a word?) toddler or the sweetest, most-loving little person ever? It’s actually disconcerting at times. Love your post – great use of theme!
Thanks, Amy! So true that you never know what you’ll need to be prepared for, and two-year-olds are maybe the epitome of unpredictability. Such good practice in “going with the flow” for those of us (aka me) who maybe aren’t hard-wired to “flow”…
Thanks for the comment!
As the mother of a 9 year old boy who is obsessed with Star Wars, I think you should start learning about it now. It will be in your life for years to come (and just wait til they find out about Lego Star Wars!). I have regular teaching sessions from my boy because I still can’t tell the difference between a Stormtrooper and a Clone Trooper! There are far worse things out there for kids to be interested in. When alls said and done it’s a story about good versus evil, and good wins out in the end. The Jedi Force is within a person and its down to the person to use it for good, and not be turned to the Dark Side. There’s some beautiful opportunities for learning in there! Embrace the Star Wars world – after all if you can’t beat them, join them!
Jules, I love your advice, and as a collective these comments have definitely convinced me to do a little SW homework! I have gathered that the bigger picture story is definitely a good one for kids to know and understand, so I’m willing to give it a try. Thanks for reading!
I, like you, had no Star Wars knowledge going into motherhood. I also have two boys. They are crazy about Star Wars (as is their father)! I decided to watch it for the first time along with my (then 5 1/2 yo) son. It was GREAT! I loved it…and got it…and became a little obsessed with it! All because of my son! I would not have watched it without him. I am not even into that genre. But, explaining it to him along the way, thinking about the storyline, discussing characters….it all got me very excited about Star Wars. And I LOVE that I can share that with my boys.
) You should check it out… You might be suprised!
LOL I’m reminded of a scene in the TV show “That 70′s Show” where the son is sitting down with his dad and they’re instructing each other in their preferred tools: son holds up a Darth Vader figurine and waits for the dad to answer correctly, and dad holds up a wrench and waits for the son to answer correctly! I laughed my head off at that one!
Well, I was never a sci-fi person, myself, but I married the uber-geek (D&D, computers, Star Trek/Wars, fantasy books, etc.) and slowly but surely he’s turning me into a fan.
Honestly, there is a LOT going for sci-fi in general; the stories tend to have plotlines with heroism, bravery, honor, romance and doing the right thing at their core – what better springboard for conversations with your kids than that?
So, no, you don’t have to jump on the bandwagon with all of your kids interests over the years (WWF would be one *I* would skip out on!) but I’d suggest you give the Star Wars/Sci-fi bandwagon a chance…you might discover you actually like it!
Either way, welcome! Oh, and whether you get on the bandwagon or not, a foam lightsaber battle is wicked fun!
Carrie, I totally hear you. I don’t plan to “study up” on every phase the kids go through, but the commenters here – including you – have convinced me to give SW a try for sure! Thanks for sweet welcome, and the comment!
I had seen the movies in bits and pieces growing up, but I’d never really gotten into them either — until I married a total geek who actually camped out at the theater for 3 days to get his ticket to Episode I…
While I do think even non-SF/Fantasy lovers will enjoy the movies and their underlying message, I’d suggest waiting until the kids are old enough and you all watching it for the first time together (i agree with everyone who says watch them in the order they came out — Watching them in sequential order leaves a little to be desired with the difference in technology available for filming as well as the level of violence in Episode III).
Nothing wrong with saying “I don’t know why Darth Vader went bad, but I can’t wait to watch it with you and find out!” You’ll get more out of it by watching them watch the movies as well.