I often say that I’m a strange blend of free spirit and reluctant control freak. As much as I love the idea of eschewing schedules and living in creative spontaneity, in reality I need routines to thrive…and in my life, total spontaneity usually turns out more chaotic than creative. In fact, I argue in my book that creating structure in my life has actually helped me to be more spontaneous and creative overall, because when I know things are getting done, I’m less anxious and don’t need to waste time putting out fires and running in circles.
But even though I understand routines are my friend, the rebel inside me still resists them and throws up plenty of roadblocks. Add in spring fever, traveling, and a bigger-than-usual workload, and it was only too easy for the structure of our daily lives to start to erode over the last month or so. Little things mostly, but it’s funny how the little things can really add up to big crankiness and feeling like my life is out of control.
So this week, I’m working on re-establishing some of the small routines that have fallen by the wayside. Nothing big or life-shattering or especially difficult, just a few little things that seem to make a significant difference in how the household runs:
- Coming-home routines. Shoes by the front door, coats on a hook! With the bouts of warm weather over the last couple of weeks, the kids have been playing outside a lot more, running in and out of different doors, swapping out jackets for hoodies and hoodies for shirts. As a result we’ve completely lost control of the coat and shoe situation. After several mornings of running frantically around, trying to find missing shoes or coats before the kids miss the bus, I know it’s time to issue reminders and walk everyone through the steps once again.
- Meal and snack times. Daylight savings time is a perfect opportunity to rejigger our meal and snack schedules. We’ve been eating around 6:30, but what I’m finding is that that doesn’t leave time for an evening snack. So at 9 PM I’ve got kids wailing from bed because they’re hungry and I’m wailing in the living room because I just want to finish the last season of Big Love, already. I’m thinking we need to bump dinner time to an earlier time and then plan a regular snack before bath and tooth-brushing.
Computer and homework schedules.Back in the fall I created a detailed schedule allotting computer time to each kid, and it worked for months. But lately I’ve let the boys stray from the schedule, which just causes confusion (whose turn is it again?) and also means homework is getting done at erratic times. So, though I know I’ll get some protests at first, it’s time to return to the stricter schedule.
Change is never easy, and I know I’ll encounter some resistance as I re-implement our old routines…both from my kids and my inner rebel. But usually at some point the family stops kicking up a fuss, because it turns out everyone is happier when they know what to expect. Including – especially! – Mom.
Do you have any routines that have started falling apart a little? Join me in getting back on track this week! Or maybe you have another Mindful Monday intention on your mind this week. Tell us about it!
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Ugh. Our routines are totally out of whack, but since this is spring break week for us AND we are gearing up to move out of our home for a short term due to a major remodeling project, I’m afraid I just need to resign myself to chaos for the remainder of the school year. Hmmm. Funny just typing that makes me realize what a bad “plan” that is. Anyway. Our intentions for THIS week are ambitious as we try to provide some fun for the kids while starting to pack up half our house.
I’m right there with you. I hate creating and imposing structure, but our lives do run much more smoothly when there are some in place.
Thanks for sharing your computer schedule. I’m going to share it with my boys, who think I am the meanest Mom in the world. We tried doing a sign-up sheet for awhile, but even that caused fighting. Now we do a relatively low-key thing: If you’re on the computer, and someone else wants it, they can set the timer on you. The timer is set for 30 min., then it’s time to switch.
Jennifer, that is a great idea! We had to get a lot stricter on the computer rules with two teens in the house…I found that I was constantly having to police and negotiate. With a schedule, there’s not much to argue about. But the timer idea is very clever!
True. Being spontaneous is good but that not really applies all the time. 🙂 thanks for sharing this.. Good job!
I love the computer schedule, and the fact that the rules are clear cut and up where they’re always visible. Going to file this one away for when our family is ready for it. . .
Meaghan, thank you for creating an online space with such a positive outlook on parenting and motherhood. My first child is very young, and as I’ve tried to find like-minded moms online, I’m finding your voice so refreshing! Your down-to-earth nature and honest representation of your life (as not exactly perfect, but facing challenges with love and joy) is often exactly what I need for a little attitude adjustment.
Love this post. I really enjoyed reading your computer rules, too! I’m already thinking about how we’ll do this even though it’s quite a few years down the road (our oldest-s, twins, are only 2). I know this post is more about routines and structure, but would you mind sharing details about how you enforce some of the computer rules? Perhaps your teens aren’t sneaky (hooray!), but I always wonder how I’ll know they don’t open up a secret email account that we don’t know about or visit sites they shouldn’t visit by overriding parent controls or doing that new “secret” browser thing. Agh!
Being a single mom of 4 kids this is so important. It is so easy to get run over if you don’t have routines. I also have a tendency to fall into depression if I’m not careful. And when I get depressed I eat. So I eat. I forget the routines. The laundry piles up. And before I know it my kids are tardy to school every day because we can’t find anyone’s shoes. I have routines now for everything. The kids, food, me! Honestly I am lost without them. I’m also a big flylady follower b/c she has really helped me establish routines . But I’m totally going to check out your book too!
I love your computer rules! We are considering offer my son more independent computer time and I’m glad to have some ideas.
I totally agree with you–a healthy dose of routine is what lets you know that you’re meeting your must-do requirements so that you can focus on enjoying the “want to do,” which as a category is its own “must-do” for happiness and sanity.
Just found your blog, and I know just what you mean about a little structure enabling more spontaneity! Without some basic routines, I get overwhelmed and stuck and don’t know where to start. We’ve been in remodeling mode since last June, originally thinking we’d be done by the end of summer. (Yeah, right.) So many of our routines have been thrown out with the old sink, and I am desperate to get things back in order before baby #4 comes in July!