This post is by Sarah Powers, Happiest Mom contributor and Managing Editor, and blogger at Powers of Mine.
When I became a mom I actively resisted the idea that I should go out and make a bunch of new friends just because I had a new baby. It felt like an insult to my existing social life, for one, to think that I needed to “trade in” my current friends for new ones who were, like me, covered in spit-up and not sleeping at night. It also felt like a sign of weakness to admit that it might actually be kinda nice to make some new spit-up covered mom friends, so of course I stubbornly resisted the idea even more.
And, above all, I was NOT going to lug myself and my baby to some cheesy (I thought) mommy group where I could sit in a whole CIRCLE of spit-up covered new moms and publicly admit to needing new friends. NO WAY.
Don’t you love how all the things we are “so sure of” get proven fantastically wrong later? Yeah. I met my now-best-friends in a support group for new moms almost five years ago. Here we are this Christmas (that’s me third from right, bravely forging the way into baby #3 territory – everybody else still has two):
Making friends as a mom is tricky – and it is something Meagan has written a lot about here on The Happiest Mom. I thought I’d collect her posts into one resource for those of you who are looking for ways to “find your tribe,” expand your social circle, or make friends in a new town or community.
Here are 7 fantastic posts on making mom friends. And here’s to admitting when we need a new friend – or five.
5 secrets to building a social life as a mom
How can we stay friends? What moms and child-free women want each other to know
How to be a good friend to a mom
5 tough-love principles for making friends with other moms
Why is it so hard to make mom friends? Solutions to 2 common obstacles
Dealing with mom-cliques? 5 ways to create your own “in-crowd”
5 types of friends every mom needs
PS – Do you already have a great circle of mom friends? Consider sharing this post with a new mom in your life, or one who has recently moved to a new city!
Photo credit: chichacha via Flickr Creative Commons
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok- just moved to a new place across the country and I can totally relate to the mom clique one! Working on it!
Steph
Ugh. I actually did not get much out of the mom groups with smaller kids. Looking back, I give those people a pass for raging hormones. I actually attended a mature high school and had a great experience, so had never really experienced anything like it. Since I was a working mom, I was astounded by all the snotty comments I got over the years, generally by people who returned to work when their kids were 1 or 2. *rolleyes* It was just so dumb and annoying to me because we were long-term committed to a spouse at home. It would be rude and annoying anyway, but I just remember being shocked at all these vocal anti-working mom people being so snotty for year 1, and then returning to work. Oh, I know karma is a b!*$# – I am sure they got it thrown in their face many many times too.
I think since I was working, I missed most the drama – I have always been kind of socially clueless. I had asked a neighbor in the moms group to cover for me when we hosted an event in the clubhouse, since I had forgotten we had plans to be out of town that weekend. She said, no problem. Then the “leader’ of the group got pissed because apparently I was not supposed to involve this person. Apparently I was not allowed to even socialize with her. That was when I was DONE. I hadn’t been through this in high school and wasn’t ready to go through that in my late 20s. (Incidentally, the women who had started the group was TOTALLY awesome and why I gave it a try with kid #2. She moved, and the group quickly deteriorated. All the good ones were moving).
I did make one good long-term friend. So, there is something. I made more friends, but they all moved. It was a curse for a while.
As our kids have aged, some of the best friends we have met are parents of their friends. We’ve done better sticking to the neighborhood. My spouse was in the neighborhood parents group and they were one of very few groups in the region open to dads. I think a lot of our neighbors are very like minded. The suggestion to move if you are not having any luck is probably a good one. I should have been looking more close to home, and have been very pleased with the kind of people our kids attract – our kids are apparently better at making friends.
I seem to get along be now with my friends that have kids because we have so much more in common now. My other friends that don’t have kids just don’t get it most of the time. I should really find some more though.
Thanks for posting these–I will read them later when my kids are in bed. I’ve felt increasing social isolation as our family size has outpaced many of my mom friends (and nearly all of them went back to work years ago, when my eldest was still a toddler). I’ve struggled to find an active social circle of moms since. I hope that the articles have some suggestions that may help!
I struggled to make friends for many years. Now that my social situation has improved, I see what helped: moving to a neighborhood with similar families, having a regular schedule and routine, getting involved in activities that provide social contact. I realize now that before I moved, I was living near folks with very different lifestyles.
Honestly, that’s why I love blogging and being a working-from-home mom, because I cannot count how many nice friends I have got during the years. Social media platforms like Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest allow moms to get in touch, guest post and organize personal meetings as well. Such a great community!
Was just writing about the challenge of making friends while abroad. I love that these articles acknowledge the reality of how hard it is to reach out, that it’s a painful effort for some of us. But if you know that, and are intentional anyway, connections happen.
I work full time outside the home and I have a very hard time making new mom friends. I’ve made some from the congregation that I joined and I highly recommend that for folks.
I also am a little sad because some of my closest friends who are stay at home moms I’ve had a very hard time continuing to relate to. It’s a very different mentality.
I’m so lucky to have found The MOMS Club! It’s an international club, so being a military wife I’m sure to have a friend no matter what city we move to! http://www.momsclub.org