Sending Christmas cards got you stressed? Try coming up with a new plan that works for you.
In the comments to yesterday’s post about sending holiday cards, several people admitted that they would like to send cards–or once did–but that the pressure and obligation had become too much. I totally understand that! I think for any tradition to be worthwhile it has to bring more satisfaction than it takes away in energy. I also wonder if we sometimes make things harder than they need to be in a quest for perfection: it’s not good enough to send a card; it has to be a work of art including a beautiful handwriting specimen and a well-composed family portrait wherein everyone is wearing holiday colors and sincere smiles. Or maybe your list of Christmas card recipients has grown to epic proportions and the very idea of finding the time (and money!) to get 120 cards written, addressed and out the door has got you throwing up your hands in surrender.
Any holiday tradition can become more burden than joy if we let those mystical ideals stand in the way of good-enough.
But does it have to be so hard? Like housekeeping and parenting I believe there’s a “good enough” way to keep those beloved traditions alive without breaking the bank or sapping your energy. Here are some ideas:
- Pare down your holiday card list. Is there anyone you can hand-deliver a card to–or a relative you see so often they really don’t need a card? Likewise are there friends and family members who aren’t that likely to appreciate the card and would really rather just get a phone call or email? I’ll be sending cards mainly to the “elder” relatives–grandma, aunts and uncles–under the assumption that my cousins will see those cards and pictures when they’re home visiting. With four or five cousins for each of my parents’ siblings, sending a card to each household (not to mention keeping up with ever-changing addresses) is just not something I can take on right now.
- Rotate receivers. If your list is long and full of people you rarely communicate with otherwise, maybe there they don’t all need to get a card from you every year? If so, maybe you can create two “B” lists and rotate them so that those people who aren’t in your close circle of family and friends get a card every other year.
- Consider sending non-holiday cards. If you like the idea of sending a yearly greeting to your former college roommate or first boss, maybe you could send a “Happy New Year” card rather than a Christmas card. Or relax even more and send a “Happy Winter” card sometime in January when life calms down. You could even stagger your list throughout the year and send a smattering of cards quarterly. Forget those etiquette “rules” you’re holding yourself to–a heartfelt greeting is welcome at any time of year.
- Make it easy on yourself. Put all the items you need–cards, nice pens, stamps, envelopes, a list of addresses, etc–together in a box or drawer so they’re easy to pull out and work on when you have a minute or ten.
- Relax your standards. You don’t have to go to a dozen different stores to find the perfect card, or spend hours practicing your signature so it’s written in legible cursive. You don’t have to include a lengthy summary of your year or professional-quality family photos. Play to your strengths and interests–if you love taking pictures, a handful of candid snapshots of your kids may be more valuable to your grandparents than that single posed portrait. Or if you’re a better writer than photographer, draw them a “picture” with your words.
- Have your kids do the work. Too busy to pick up photo prints or write much more than your signature? Hand your child a stack of paper and some crayons and ask them to write ‘letters’ to the relatives. Likely your mother-in-law will enjoy your child’s rendition of a Christmas tree more than any letter you could send, anyway (no offense intended.)
Of course, holiday cards aren’t the only thing that can be either fun or a drag, depending on the approach (and expectations.) Take holiday baking, for example: it’s easy to get so buried under three dozen “must-make” recipes and a recipient list four dozen people deep that you forget why you’re making them in the first place. What is it about baking that gives you joy? Is it the actual baking part? The decorating? Sharing an activity with your children? Or the giving? Depending on your answer, maybe this year you only make cookies for a half-dozen recipients instead of your entire family and every school employee. Or maybe you make the cookies from a mix and just enjoy frosting them with your child while listening to holiday tunes. Maybe you make that gingerbread house from a kit because the decorating is what you love best. Or maybe you pour your heart and soul into making that shortbread from scratch–but forget about the other two-dozen varieties of baked goods you don’t enjoy as much. The key is to focus in on what you love and what gives you satisfaction, and leave the rest.
Are there holiday traditions you’ve scaled back to make them more enjoyable or doable for you? Are there any holiday rituals you’ve been avoiding because they seem like too much work and obligation? Is there a way to make them easier so you can focus on the fun instead of the work?
I’ve started sending electronic holiday cards. There are some really nice ones out there these days that can include your family photos and personalized messages — even a holiday letter if your family does that kind of thing. I just decided that it’s not worth spending all the time mailing cards if I’m just going to sign my name to a generic card anyway. This way is more environmentally friendly and leaves me with more time to spend with my family.
I assume friends and family are like me and enjoy seeing pictures of how much the kids have grown–I love getting those cards in the mailbox. But for the past couple years I have skipped the family holiday photo, complete with coordinating outfits, and instead chose the best recent candid photo of each child. Photo card templates have so many options now, that it was easy to find one with enough spots for all the kids (in fact, 3 years ago we combined our Christmas card with the birth announcement for our December baby). I keep a document all set up for address labels, and only have to update a few each year. Print the labels, and then the kids help stick them, stamp them, and lick the envelopes. Most don’t have a personal message (I keep in touch with so many people electronically), but there are always a few that I include a note, too. This year I actually enjoyed sending out cards!
I’ve decided I’m going to pare down my card list year to just 3 or 4 recipients, and I’m not going to stress about getting a family photo. Instead, I’ll pick one or two recent shots of the kiddo. We adults don’t change that much year to year, so I don’t people will miss us. 🙂
I have a neighbor (Meagan, you’ll know her as Mrs. Happy, who I’ve mentioned to you elsewhere) who is a fabulous and prolific cook and baker. She goes nuts at holiday time baking dozens and dozens and dozens of cookies and packing them into tins for everyone — we got on her list a couple of years ago. I say, if she enjoys that, then it’s wonderful. But I get the sense she DOESN’T. She grumbles and mumbles, accepts no help from her husband or children (her husband “helps” by sneaking downstairs at night and eating too many of them), and here’s the kicker: she herself doesn’t eat a single one! Now, she’s generally a kind of joy-free person, but I prefer to assume that maybe she has the joy on the inside, knowing that for at least some of the recipients of the year’s bounty, these might be the only homemade cookies. I prefer to give, and to receive, with lightheartedness.
I make a few things, traditionally, around the holidays, and I enjoy making them and adding to the embarrassingly groaning table of treats at our family Christmas. Seriously, it’s embarrassing, but we all enjoy it. So I guess for me, “enjoy” is the key word: the minute it’s not enjoyable, it’s not done. But if it is enjoyable, then it doesn’t matter if it’s time consuming, a pain to gather the ingredients, fussy to make, etc.
Denise, self-confessed total baby about loving Christmas!
YES, on the paring down of the list. And a double YES on the “box”. I keep the box that my cards come in with the stamps, pen, stationary, address list all in it. Then, I sit down, do a few cards and here and there. It makes doing cards a cinch that way.
Cards aren’t a bother for me, I love to do them and don’t do too many. This year, though, I do seem to have pared down on the candies, cookies, etc. We just aren’t seeing many other people this year, and really so many people are trying to eat healthier that maybe we don’t need to do the baking. We will make Welsh Cakes and shortbread together because we all enjoy those, but the rest? Maybe they can quietly not be done this year. Thanks for making me realize that it is ok to change traditions or let go of ones that maybe aren’t working anymore.
I’m scaling back on gift-giving. Not so much for my kids, although I try not to go overboard. More for adults. I’ve spent far too much time agonizing over what to buy for hard-to-shop-for people, struggling over gifts that they often don’t even really like. This year I’ve opted to make holiday sorbet (cranberry, of course) and peppermint bark, and donate to charity in people’s names. Much easier on me, and I feel like someone is actually benefiting in the process.
Each year, we scale back more and more on gift giving and try to recognize the true meaning of Christmas. This year our kids are each receiving one simple handmade gift from us. They get so much from their grandparents and auntie, and we are very particular about wanting our kids to grow up with a grateful heart that loves to give more than to receive. We are also intentional about never giving anyone a gift just to mark off their name on a list. We put alot of thought into each person’s gift. It really has made Christmas more enjoyable as I’ve put those mega-store and mall shopping days behind us! They aren’t very fun when you have four very young children anyway!
Boy, I needed this! I’m just not in the mood and too tired this year for Christmas cards. I do feel totally guilty though. But one year I did a mass mailing of valentine photo cards and it was SO fun! So that’s my goal in Feb.. I asked my kiddos and hubby what their fave cookies are and we make just 3 kinds this year and only once this season. And we scaled down on the decorations this year and no one is missing it! The tree is truly the focal point. The babies will pull down the stockings so even those will wait for Christmas Eve. I’ve learned that it’s OK not to do everything the way my mother did. I do miss some things, but I still have my sanity!