This is a guest post by Jennifer L.W. Fink of Blogging ‘Bout Boys.
The house was a mess.
Boys #2 and #3 had been home sick for the better part of a week. Blankets, couch cushions, plastic cups and candy wrappers littered the living room floor. The kitchen counter was stacked high with two days’ worth of dishes; I’d had deadlines, on top of sick kids, and something had to give.
I find myself in these circumstances constantly. I’m a divorced mom of four boys – ages 14, 12, 9 and 6 – and while I generally find a way to tame the chaos that composes my life, any one thing has the potential to throw the whole system temporarily out of whack. Two nasty cases of croup close on the tail of two unplanned days off of school, in the midst of a busy work time, had nearly overwhelmed my coping mechanisms. I was in survival mode: Do only what is necessary.
My kids were fed. Their fevers, controlled. Stories were read. Homework, checked. My work was…keeping me up late at night. I wasn’t sleeping much, or well, and my head was spinning. So many to-dos swirled around in my head that I was in a state of constant, low-level anxiety.
Then Boy #2 picked up his phone and started taking pictures. Three days on the couch, it seems, are enough to inspire some creativity in the average, gadget-loving American boy.
“Look at this, Mom,” he said.
I looked up, briefly, from the pork chops I was frying in an electric skillet. I was prepared to nod and move on. Then I saw the pictures he had taken. My son had managed to extract bits of beauty from the clutter and chaos that was our household.
I stopped, stunned. My house just as messy as it had been. No one have moved the blankets or couch cushions or plastic cups. But my son had managed to focus, to crop the scene so that his eyes only saw beauty.
I’d forgotten how to do that. As a parent, I’m so focused on the big picture that I frequently miss the pieces. I’m so concerned with helping my kids grow into good people that I obsess over the here-and-now: the not-so-great report from the 1st grade teacher, the bickering between my boys and the fact that none of them have a clean room. I worry over all the things I have to do to correct and improve those imperfections, and somehow miss the beauty that is right in front of my eyes. I forget to narrow my focus to see the small acts of kindness my boys extend to one another. I forget that they’re almost always respectful in public. And I forgot to enjoy the hugs and the kisses and the laughs that exist amidst our imperfect lives.
My son reminded me to change my focus, by showing me beauty in bits.
Jennifer L.W. Fink is a freelance writer and blogger. She writes frequently about parenting, health and education. Find her at bloggingboutboys.com and jenniferlwfink.com.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
This post so deserves a comment. All mothers need to read this and refocus on what really matters. Focus on the small, daily triumphs. Focus on each small accomplishment. Give out lots of hugs and kisses even to teenage sons who act like it’s not important anymore. Forget the mess and focus on what’s best……………..! Great post. May your weekend be filled with healthy children
You have an awesome house! So much character!
Perfect timing. I sit here with a recently broken leg. I can’t move about much. Just to the bathroom and back, mostly. So many things that I have let go left me with such sadness. I have basically been forced to refocus because of my situation, but now I can choose many more bits of HAPPINESS and BEAUTY because of your lovely article. To you I am grateful.
Jenny, I love this, and I needed it! The photos really make your point, so I’m glad they’re included here — it’s so much more powerful to see the literal focusing-in, than it would be to just read about it. My house is about as neat and clean as it can be most of the time, and i have to check myself to not be so upset when it gets out of order and i’m picking up library books and Nerf bullets all the time. I especially like the photo that includes a print on a wall. I have several paintings in my house that my dad painted, and amid the general chaos, I love just resting my eyes on them — focusing in, as you say, on the beauty. Or instead of becoming vexed by the dysfunction of a kitchen that needs renovation badly, I’ll gaze out the big glass back doors and enjoy how sunny the room is (even if the sun picks up all the crumbs and hair on the white floor!). Well done.
This is my mantra for when days get hectic! I just can’t allow myself to dwell on the mess, although I do my best to pick up as I go along or at least clean the stuff that really bothers me. Because yes, there are so much more important things to dwell on
Thank you for the beautiful perspective.
Great perspective here. I think it is so easy, whether you have 10 kids or just one, to get sidetracked about the little everyday things that honestly don’t matter when it is all said and done. I want to be a mom that tunes into the little bitty everyday pieces, instead of always stressing about the big picture. Thanks for sharing this lovely post!
Thank you all for your kind comments! The timing of the publishing of this post couldn’t have been any funnier — it went up right as I went down with influenza. So as you can imagine, my house looks…less than neat. But instead of focusing on the house, I’m focusing on my health and my kids.
Here’s to embracing the bits!