"Please, sir, I've finished the dishes. Can I play Wii now?"
Fact: Unless you run your home like a Dickensian workhouse, kids are always going to make more mess than they remove. But that doesn’t mean they can’t pull their weight and take some of the load off while also learning important life skills that their future spouses will thank you for. Here are my six best tips for getting kids to pitch in and help out:
Start ‘em early
The younger you get the kids on board with helping out, the better: they should grow up used to the idea that keeping the house clean is the entire family’s responsibility. Give little ones age-appropriate tasks. For example, whenever we do a cleaning spree of the main floor, William (7) and Owen (5) get the job of putting shoes and boots in pairs and lining them up neatly at the door. Hey, with seven family members, we have a lot of footwear!
Break a large job down into specific tasks.
It’s not enough to tell a child “clean up your room.” Most of them need help breaking down a big job into smaller chunks and putting them in order. When Will and Owen clean their rooms, I’ll usually have one of them pick up all the Lego while the other picks up all the action figures, and so on. When one job is finished they come to me for another assignment.
Invest Training Time
If you want something done right, you’re going to have to do a lot of supervising. It took me a good three months of daily training to get my oldest boys to the point where they could do the dishes and laundry correctly–and once in a while they will still occasionally try to get away with sticking a plate in the dishwasher with crusty melted cheese stuck to it. Lesson learned: Don’t expect kids to do a job adequately without a lot of up-front help from Mom or Dad, and even then, expect backsliding and slacking off from time to time. If there are certain tasks you need to have done a certain way, don’t delegate those. For example, I clean the bathrooms myself because it’s worth it to me to have it done “right.”
Fair warning: kids, especially older kids (cough teenagers cough) don’t necessarily like to clean, and will take every opportunity to balk, hide, stall, or simply put in as little effort as possible. Identify your goals before you start a project: are you getting the kids to help out of principle–because they should? Or do you actually need them to help you get something done? If it’s the former, you might make a point of making them go back and re-do a job they didn’t do well the first time around. If it’s the latter, maybe an “okay” job is good enough for today so you can move on to the next thing.
For me these goals often differ depending on the situation. It would often be easier for me to just do the dishes myself rather than hovering over my 13-year-old as he moves through the job at a snail’s pace. But it’s important to me that he takes on the responsibility of helping around the house, so most nights, I delegate and hover. If I had guests coming over in a few hours, I’d probably give him other jobs to do–things he can do faster and that won’t matter as much if they’re done just right.
Stick to a System
If your kids know that every single night one washes and the other puts away, it becomes a predictable routine and they really will stop complaining…eventually. Mix things up for a few days or give them a break and just watch them act amazed and confused next time you ask them to do something. Kids do best when they know exactly what’s expected of them, and moms are happiest when they don’t have to repeat themselves over and over. Don’t make delegating hard on yourself: come up with a simple, predictable routine that’s easy for kids to remember and easy for you to oversee.
Have Fun
We usually spend an hour or two each weekend doing a full family clean-up session. Everyone pitches in at the same time so it’s a team effort, and we blast fun music to get everyone revved up. Some favorites from our eclectic family playlist: “The Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, “You’re The Best Arouond” by Joe Esposito (Karate Kid theme), aaaaand…. “Halo” by Beyonce. I told you it was eclectic. But we have a good time, even wielding dust pans and toy bins.
Model a no-nonsense, prompt approach to pick-up.
Once upon a time my approach to mess was drama, followed by procrastination. If something spilled, I first over-reacted: “Gahhhhhh crayons on the floor? Arrrrrghhhh ughhhh meh life with kids so messy grumble grumble stupid crayons arg bleh grumble.” Then, I would avoid cleaning the mess for hours, feeling like I needed time and space to gather my energy before I could deal with it. Guess what? It turns out walking past a mess half a dozen times doesn’t make you any more motivated to clean it up. The opposite, in fact. And I realized I was being a horrible model for my kids, initially in making every mess out to be a tragedy, and then by teaching them to avoid things instead of face them head-on.
I’ve done a complete 180 in that regard, and now try to deal with any mess the instant it’s made, cheerfully and matter-of-factly, instead of piling on the drama and procrastination. And you know? As it turns out, messes are….just not that big a deal.
I’m not saying I’m always perfect at this–the temptation to over-react and then run in the other direction is strong–but I’m always a lot happier when I just take care of the mess quickly and with as little fuss as possible. And I can see it’s paying off: yesterday Clara accidentally shoved a board game off the table, and cards, playing pieces and dice scattered everywhere. Though I wanted to say ARRGH! and stomp away, I forced myself to take a deep breath and instead said “Ooops! We better clean up!” Clara cheerfully hopped off the chair and started picking up, singing “Clean up, clean up” as she went. The mess was picked up in two minutes. No. big. deal.
Do you struggle with getting your kids to help out around the house? Or do you have some great tips to share? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!
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*image by George Cruikshank, LIFE magazine, 1938
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I need that last part tattooed to my forehead. Sigh.
Our son (20 months) has a little routine of watching 30 minutes of Sesame Street before bedtime each night. I used to complain when we came back downstairs after putting him to bed that the family room was such a mess. Now we clean up before he watches Elmo. We give him a simple task, like putting all his books back in the bin, while we do the more complicated jobs. He thinks it is fun, and it makes watching his show a reward he has earned. And now after bedtime, I can just sit down on the couch and enjoy the cleanliness!
We use some of the same tricks you do–they must be good ones.
For my 6 and 7 year old sons: partly to break “cleaning a room” into smaller tasks, and partly to keep it fair (one son cleans quickly and one slowly and imperceptibly cleans as he plays), I make a list of the things that need to be cleaned and they take turns choosing tasks. That way, my older son can be finished with his cleaning when he finished his areas, and my younger son isn’t yelled at by his brother to clean faster. When they’re finished, they come grab me and show me that they’ve completed their chosen tasks, and they can go play.
I always clean WITH my 4 year old dd. It’s super fast that way, and because it’s fast, she never complains about cleaning. There’s some of the “training” element involved, but mostly it’s to have her actually help and find joy in putting her doll house furniture exactly how she wants it to be.
We like to have some incentive to clean. “Let’s clean up our bedrooms, then we’ll go on a hike!” or “After we clean the front of the house, we can go up to play at Grandma and Grandpa’s house” or “Hey, after dinner, let’s clean up the table and play a game.” That way, it’s the NEXT thing we’re actually looking forward to, and we’re (usually) all happy to help.
OMG, I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! Thank you! Drama followed by procrastination… That’s me!
Great post! I saw some crayons on the floor the other day…I think my 2 year old had chewed on them. I walked right by them, not wanting to bend over to pick them up. Now they are in tinier pieces and smeared across the floor in different rooms because people got them caught on their shoes. Definitely…. it’s easier to clean up right away.
Also, I have one child that loves lists. I can fuss at her forever and she just can’t motivate herself to do one thing…but if I give her a list with little boxes to check off…she’ll be done in no time.
I just found your blog and I love it!
I’ve just started trying to find ways for my three year old to “help” around the house so she’ll get accustomed to it. These are good tips.
Awesome post!
My son is 8 and hates picking up. He does it, but he grumbles. A lot.
My daughter is 3 and tells me, “Cleaning is boring.”
In our house we used to call the family clean up, “Beat The Clock.” My mom would put 20 minutes on the kitchen timer and blast Barry Manilow or Barbara Streisand on the record player and we’d pick up the house as fast as we can. I can’t wait until my kids are a little older and we can institute Beat the Clock in our house. I wonder what songs they’ll remember from their years of cleaning?!
Our son is 11 months old, and he goes to an in-home daycare 4 days a week. His daycare lady, Grandma Eileen, has already begun teaching him to put his toys away. She will put the bucket in front of him and say, “Krew, put your toys in the bucket!” and with encouragement, he will one-by-one pick them up and plop them in the bucket. Needless to say, I was ecstatic when she showed me this latest skill.
My daughter, almost 2 yrs, is in a stage where she finds helping so much fun so I am taking advantage and trying to encourage it by always saying “Thank you” and “That is so helpful/I really appreciate that.” She’s a little less happy about helping to pick up her toys, but we are working on it. Something I’ve been trying to keep the toy clutter from overwhelming me is asking her to help pick up say the puzzle pieces before getting out the blocks to play.
I love this! We have a 6 & 7 year old and a newborn and our house looks like a tip. I hate tidying up – mostly because of the moaning!! But we try and do a little each day. Loving the idea of lists with boxes – mine would love that! Great post – thanks!
Thank you!! Just what I needed to hear today – especially the part about your previous approach to clutter being drama. I have found this happening at my house lately – initiated by, um, me. Not ok. Appreciate the encouragement!!!!
I so agree with the starting them young. I only wish I had done it with my older 2!
Thanks alot for the great tips! I can definately use them with my 8, 10, & 2yr olds.. I just get frustrated & fuss @ them for not cleaning up after themselves so it just turns into a yelling match because they always have to talk back (9 & 10 yrs old), instead of actually cleaning up.. I am going to start the chart today of smaller tasks!!
Brilliant post and one of funniest I’ve ever read prob due to the fact it’s so true. The other day my wife offered to wash my car and my 2yo daughter joined in. 10 minutes in to the wash my wife arrived at the back door soaked as she had tipped the bucket of water over her head. The car had patches of dirt all over it but at least she had fun which is everything in my opinion.
My kids know how to clean and what to do – it’s just a matter of getting them to do it. We started using My Job Chart last month (www.myjobchart.com) and it’s been awesome – a fun way for them to track their chores and it’s very easy to use.
This article was and is similar to the way I’ve felt lately. My two year old—obviously in her terrible two’s stage—does things out of spite just to see what she can get away with and then laugh about it when I accidently crack a smile because she’s so darn cute and funny. So now when she does something she isn’t supposed to, makes a mess, or anything else, I say “Uh oh! Help Mommy clean it up!” and she happily comes over and helps me:) (Before, i would get angry and complain and want to spank her.) Im not saying spankings are bad, they are just for certain instances that may happen, to me anyway. I’ve learned, theres no point in getting mad over something to small, when it’s not that big of a deal and takes alot less effort to just take the UP side of the situation, rather than the DOWN side and be teaching my daughter that yelling and being rude is normal.
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I like your blog’s graphic design – is it custom made, or some public template? Where can I download it from?
Do you have, or used to have another blog, Megan? I’m sure I have read post on similiar topic long time ago, but this one is far more comprehensive!
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